54 | Dave Humphreys Spills FAMILY SECRETS on Coaching and Recruiting!

[00:00:00] I'm going to miss the game because guess what? I'm going to my daughter's, whatever you call it, Red Ball, All-Star, Gold, whatever. And it was one of those things that it was most fulfillment weekend that I had when I was coaching basketball because I was there with my daughter, supporting her, loving her. And at that time I knew I was getting close to being done, but I still tried to balance it and it just didn't work out for me as far as that. So, bottom line is I'm blessed because guess what? I've got Sierra.

[00:00:29] I have my other one, KK, I just grabbed from Oregon. My life was turned in a good way just because I got out of the game that I loved and that was sacrifices like you were talking about, Herb.

[00:00:41] Hello and welcome to Catching You, a Dad and Daughters Softball Journey. I'm Rusty, a dad who's been in the dugout and on the sidelines.

[00:00:49] And I'm Lacie, the daughter whose journey through softball has been filled with incredible wins, tough losses, and so many lessons both on and off the field.

[00:00:57] For the past 16 years, we've navigated the highs and lows of softball together, from the local fields to national tournaments and everything in between.

[00:01:06] From the challenges of recruitment during COVID to the mental and emotional rollercoaster that comes with being a student-athlete,

[00:01:11] we'll be sharing the perspectives of both the parent and athlete and firsthand experience of the impact of sports on mental health and the importance of support from the sidelines.

[00:01:21] Welcome back, everybody, to Catching You. I am your co-host, Rusty Hamm. Lacie is off again.

[00:01:29] Man, this is two weeks in a row that Lacie's been off. She's in the middle of finals. We don't want to bug her.

[00:01:35] She's also sick. I think she's sick. She thought she had pink eye.

[00:01:40] I have with me Dave Humphries. Dave and I have a rich history, right?

[00:01:47] We do. We do.

[00:01:49] Not only in softball, but previous to softball, we were basketball coaches.

[00:01:54] He was at Santiago High School in the city of Corona.

[00:01:56] I was a high school basketball coach at Marietta Mason, Marietta.

[00:02:01] Dave, welcome. How are you?

[00:02:03] I am wonderful, and I appreciate you having me on, and I hope your daughter does not get sick because it's going around everywhere.

[00:02:10] So hopefully she can finish the final as well and not get that bug that everybody's got.

[00:02:15] That's right. This is our second time doing this because the first time there was some technical difficulties, so hopefully we can get through this.

[00:02:21] So Dave, before we get into, and again, the reason I have you on is obviously we had a good history of coaching against each other.

[00:02:31] Our daughters are primarily the same age, and we went through the same path as coaches, right?

[00:02:37] As father of daughters that play softball, but before that, I know you and your wife, she played, met a history of coaching.

[00:02:48] That's how she got in.

[00:02:49] Give us a great history of before we met each other.

[00:02:53] Played some years ago when I married my wife.

[00:02:55] She played softball at the University of Arizona.

[00:02:58] Played for the GOAT, Coach Kendrea, and three-time national champion, two-time All-American.

[00:03:02] Ken, when she started, we started dating, she's, hey, I know you're a basketball coach, so if you want to date me, then you're going to have to coach softball with me.

[00:03:12] I'm like, you're crazy.

[00:03:13] I'm not coaching softball.

[00:03:15] I don't know anything about it.

[00:03:17] She's, you played baseball, so you'll be fine.

[00:03:19] You're a coach at heart, so guess what?

[00:03:21] You'll figure it out on the fly.

[00:03:23] And 20-some years later, guess what?

[00:03:25] I'm still involved in softball, and we're still coaching together at the 14-year travel team level.

[00:03:32] Again, I got three beautiful daughters.

[00:03:34] KK, which just graduated last year from the University of Oregon.

[00:03:38] And then I've got CC, that is a sophomore at UCF.

[00:03:42] And then I've got my 13-year-old that is playing first year 14.

[00:03:47] So we got a lot on our plate.

[00:03:48] We love it.

[00:03:49] It's in my blood.

[00:03:50] And thank God I got done with basketball coaching.

[00:03:53] Let's just say that because I've been involved in my daughter's life, which is the most important thing for all families to know.

[00:03:59] So, yeah, we're going to get into that role.

[00:04:01] Like I said, everybody, you and I have a very similar path, right?

[00:04:04] We're both at basketball coaches.

[00:04:07] We both despised it after a while because of the politics and parents.

[00:04:12] And I loved it.

[00:04:13] And I know you did.

[00:04:14] The X's and O's was just, I would just love practice.

[00:04:18] I just love getting in there.

[00:04:19] It's just all the other little stuff in the room.

[00:04:22] And so we would coach against each other.

[00:04:24] And I did want to thank you.

[00:04:26] You allowed me to be in your summer program, which was cool.

[00:04:29] We had some good battles.

[00:04:30] And so I wanted to thank you for that.

[00:04:32] Let's talk about the sacrifices that we made, right?

[00:04:35] Because we both, the reason I quit, and I've talked to you about this before, is I was at a Westmont tournament.

[00:04:42] My daughter was playing in a softball tournament.

[00:04:44] My son wasn't at football, flag football, and I was at Westmont College.

[00:04:49] The players had a skeleton crew because some of them were football players and they stayed home.

[00:04:54] We saw it.

[00:04:55] We were sucking.

[00:04:56] I was all by myself in the dorms.

[00:04:59] I was miserable.

[00:05:00] Parents were complaining.

[00:05:02] And I knew then I was done because I was missing my kids' sports.

[00:05:06] I was at this group of the tournament and I was missing the most important people in my life, which is my kids.

[00:05:12] And so describe that a little bit because I noticed that we had similar paths in that way.

[00:05:19] Yeah, bottom line is I love basketball.

[00:05:22] I went to college to play basketball.

[00:05:24] I was at a full-ride scholarship for basketball.

[00:05:26] And as soon as I graduated from college, I went right into college basketball coaching.

[00:05:30] So it was in my blood and it was just drained in me.

[00:05:34] That's what I do because I'm passionate about it and all that kind of stuff.

[00:05:37] And it was great.

[00:05:38] I was an assistant coach at Cal State Bakersfield, which I loved.

[00:05:41] Didn't have any kids at the time.

[00:05:43] Everything was great.

[00:05:44] I'd leave at 5 o'clock in the morning and get home at 10, 30, or 11 o'clock at night.

[00:05:49] And that was every day.

[00:05:51] And thank God I had a supportive wife that allowed me to do that.

[00:05:54] But at the same time, it was just something that I loved to do.

[00:05:57] So when we first had our first kid, which is KK, when she was little and all that kind of stuff,

[00:06:02] I was still coaching at the college level.

[00:06:03] And I still was leaving at 5 and getting home at 11.

[00:06:06] And my wife was telling me all these fun things that my little one was doing.

[00:06:11] And at the time, I was like, hey, that's just what a dad does.

[00:06:14] I'm living my dream.

[00:06:15] But at the same time, it hurt.

[00:06:17] It did.

[00:06:18] So that's when I went into high school coaching because at least that way, I can control my schedule.

[00:06:23] And I can be off during the summer.

[00:06:25] I can be off during Christmas and all that kind of stuff as far as throughout the day.

[00:06:29] So that was very important to me.

[00:06:32] So I started coaching at the high school level.

[00:06:34] Everything was great.

[00:06:36] Santiago, great.

[00:06:37] Loved it.

[00:06:38] All that kind of stuff.

[00:06:39] And then one morning when I, just like you just talked about Westmont,

[00:06:42] I'm waking up five o'clock in the morning to drive out to USC team camp because we're playing in that tournament.

[00:06:49] And all of a sudden, KK opens their door at 510 saying, dad, where are you going?

[00:06:55] But they used to say that she had her gold all-star, whatever you want to call it.

[00:07:00] Who knows what it is now?

[00:07:01] But it hurt me.

[00:07:02] It crushed me because I saw her face saying I had to leave and I wasn't there.

[00:07:08] And I told my assistants, which I never do, which you never did either.

[00:07:11] I'm going to miss the game because guess what?

[00:07:14] I'm going to my daughter's, whatever you call it, rec ball, all-star, gold, whatever.

[00:07:19] And it was one of those things that it was most fulfillment weekend that I had when I was coaching basketball.

[00:07:26] Because I was there with my daughter, supporting her, loving her.

[00:07:30] And at that time, I knew I was getting close to being done, but I still tried to balance it.

[00:07:35] And it just didn't work out for me as far as that.

[00:07:37] And so bottom line is I'm blessed because guess what?

[00:07:41] I've got Sierra at UCF.

[00:07:42] I have my other one kick in.

[00:07:44] I just grabbed from Oregon.

[00:07:44] My life was turned in a good way just because I got out of the game that I loved.

[00:07:51] And that was sacrifices like you were talking about earlier.

[00:07:54] Yeah, it was one of the hardest decisions, right?

[00:07:56] Because my whole life, I started in 1988, coaching basketball.

[00:08:01] And my whole goal was to be a head basketball coach, right?

[00:08:05] I wanted the gym floor to be named after me someday, right?

[00:08:08] I wanted to be a head basketball coach at a high school and retire and have them name the gym basketball.

[00:08:14] But what I didn't think was when I started being a head coach, Lacey was six and my son was three.

[00:08:21] And at that time, they're probably not, they're not engulfed into youth sports yet.

[00:08:26] So I was like, oh, okay, cool, bro.

[00:08:27] I have this program.

[00:08:28] I'm running this program.

[00:08:29] I'm not missing a whole lot because he's three years old.

[00:08:32] What are you going to do when he's three years old?

[00:08:33] Go to swimming lessons?

[00:08:35] I'm not going to swimming lessons.

[00:08:36] But like you said, over time, now she's 10.

[00:08:39] Now she's getting into 10 travel ball and my son's getting into flag football.

[00:08:43] So that was difficult.

[00:08:45] And I don't, it's, the question was the sacrifices.

[00:08:49] I don't think I was willing to sacrifice my family to run a basketball program.

[00:08:55] Don't get me wrong.

[00:08:56] Some people can do it.

[00:08:57] I just, I think you and I have that same kind of mentality.

[00:08:59] Yeah, I don't think it's worth that.

[00:09:02] That's lack of faith.

[00:09:05] Let's take a quick break.

[00:09:09] If you want to leave us a message, use the link in the show notes.

[00:09:12] And if you want us to respond, leave your name and email address.

[00:09:16] Also, please rate us in or leave a review as we're trying to grow the show every day.

[00:09:22] Finally, Lacey and I both love coffee.

[00:09:24] We would greatly appreciate any contribution to the show.

[00:09:27] That link is also in the show notes.

[00:09:30] Thank you.

[00:09:31] Take care.

[00:09:35] Yeah, the best part was when KK was 10, but what you're saying, she was on this travel team.

[00:09:41] And so I wasn't going to game because I was gone on the weekends with basketball.

[00:09:45] And all of a sudden I'm in the middle of basketball game and my wife is blowing up my phone.

[00:09:49] I'm like, I'm writing the game.

[00:09:53] Is it a mercy?

[00:09:54] Cause she doesn't do that.

[00:09:54] I go, what's going on?

[00:09:55] Did somebody get hurt?

[00:09:56] She goes, no, by the way, we're taking a travel team next year.

[00:10:00] Okay.

[00:10:00] I'm like, what are you talking about?

[00:10:03] So at Hanyu second year 10s, we take KK on as a travel ball team and it never stopped from there.

[00:10:12] Yeah.

[00:10:12] So yeah, great transition.

[00:10:14] I was actually going to get into you coaching your daughter, right?

[00:10:18] You got, you're with the crew on the angels.

[00:10:20] And I think you, you've always been crew on the angels, right?

[00:10:21] Or we started our own, which was chronic cats when we first started and we qualified for PGF.

[00:10:28] And then Marty reached out to us in reference to coming on as a chronic angels.

[00:10:33] And that was KK's first year 12s or second year 12s.

[00:10:37] I don't remember what it was.

[00:10:38] So once we did that with KK, we've been chronic angels ever since.

[00:10:43] All right.

[00:10:43] Yeah.

[00:10:43] How did the balance mean?

[00:10:46] And I'm not sure because I was tough on Lacey.

[00:10:48] I think I described before because she was a bat buster and she had to perform.

[00:10:55] If you're in, if you're an angel, if you're that buster, if you're an athletics Marcado,

[00:11:00] you basically have to perform or you're just going to get walked all over.

[00:11:04] So I'm not sure.

[00:11:05] I was tough on her.

[00:11:06] Of course, being tough on your daughter as a coach while ensuring that she felt the support

[00:11:12] and the love of her dad.

[00:11:14] Describe that.

[00:11:15] I'm not the perfect dad.

[00:11:16] And I will never stay.

[00:11:18] I'm the perfect dad because I was hard on KK.

[00:11:20] There was many, many days that KK and I would not talk just because of how tough I was on her,

[00:11:29] both on the field, off the field, everything.

[00:11:32] And it was one of those things to me is I didn't want anybody to outwork her and anybody

[00:11:40] that was more competitive with her because I wanted her to be that dog.

[00:11:44] I wanted her to be that beast from a mentality standpoint, as well as physical standpoint.

[00:11:49] So it was challenging.

[00:11:51] There's a lot of times my wife and I would argue because she's mama and I was dad.

[00:11:56] But at the same time is thank God we did it because look where KK went.

[00:12:02] And it's one of those things to me is tough love is a great thing.

[00:12:07] And you have to separate that when you get off the field.

[00:12:09] And I'm going to talk to all the dads right now as far as coaching their kids for the first time.

[00:12:14] Yeah, you can get the most out of them on the field.

[00:12:16] You can challenge them.

[00:12:18] You can make it tough on them.

[00:12:19] But when they walk away from the field, they need dad.

[00:12:24] They don't need coach anymore.

[00:12:25] And I didn't do it very well with KK.

[00:12:27] I didn't.

[00:12:28] I was a failure and I failed a lot with her.

[00:12:31] But same time is she's a strong woman and she's a tough one.

[00:12:34] And that was important for me growing up.

[00:12:36] Sissy, different.

[00:12:37] I still was tough on her, still challenged her, still competed her.

[00:12:41] But she had a different attitude.

[00:12:43] I would yell and scream at her and stuff like that.

[00:12:45] And she'd just look at me like, whatever.

[00:12:47] That's sissy.

[00:12:49] KK was more tougher.

[00:12:50] She took all of her emotions on top of her.

[00:12:52] And that's where Sissy is.

[00:12:54] Lexi is just like KK.

[00:12:55] My 14 or my 13-year-old is just like KK.

[00:12:58] She does not like to be yelled at.

[00:13:01] She doesn't like to be challenged as far as that kind of stuff.

[00:13:04] But for dad's standpoint, when the field is done, it's done.

[00:13:09] I don't talk to my girls.

[00:13:11] I don't talk to my girls.

[00:13:13] And I'll talk to Lexi because she's my 13-year-old now.

[00:13:15] I don't talk to her on the way to the game about softball.

[00:13:19] Half the game's over with.

[00:13:21] We're driving home.

[00:13:22] I don't talk to her about softball.

[00:13:24] I let her be her own person.

[00:13:26] Now we come home and we work the next day.

[00:13:29] Then we'll start talking about what transpired in that specific game or that specific tournament so she can continue to get better.

[00:13:35] And that's the softball IQ.

[00:13:37] But it was not easy.

[00:13:38] It was not easy.

[00:13:40] Because you have all those parents out there that think daddy ball.

[00:13:42] Yeah, I was just going to transition to that because there's a few people I follow on TikTok.

[00:13:48] And they talk about daddy ball.

[00:13:49] And you have that Facebook talk.

[00:13:51] And I think we both have commented on it a couple times.

[00:13:53] And there's two different types of daddy ball.

[00:13:55] There's daddy ball where they get into it so their kid will be shortstop and bat second and play every inning.

[00:14:02] And they don't care what other parents say.

[00:14:04] But then there's also daddy ball where the dad goes over the top to show the parents that they're not favoring their kid.

[00:14:12] That they actually maybe treat his daughter a little bit different than the average player.

[00:14:19] Good question.

[00:14:20] Good question.

[00:14:21] Corey, or are you?

[00:14:22] There's no doubt.

[00:14:22] There's no doubt.

[00:14:23] Bottom line is I want to coach my daughter harder than anybody else on the field.

[00:14:27] This past weekend we played games and I pulled her out right in the middle of any.

[00:14:32] I don't do that with other girls.

[00:14:34] I don't.

[00:14:35] Now, I will do that in reference.

[00:14:38] Can you make the same mistake three or four times in a row?

[00:14:40] Then okay.

[00:14:40] Then we'll talk about it.

[00:14:41] But at the same time is I want parents to understand that it's not easy to be a coach, number one.

[00:14:48] But number two is now you put a dad that's involved in coaching.

[00:14:52] It's even tougher.

[00:14:53] And I want all my parents to understand that, listen, I'm going to coach my daughter up more than anything.

[00:15:00] I'm going to be tougher than them and anybody else.

[00:15:02] But guess what?

[00:15:03] I'm going to teach her daughter the best.

[00:15:05] I'm going to coach her up.

[00:15:06] I'm going to keep her accountable.

[00:15:07] And guess what?

[00:15:08] When she makes a mistake, I'm going to make sure that she understands why she made that mistake so she doesn't make the mistake the second time.

[00:15:13] Yes.

[00:15:14] And if you take out all the dads that coach, you probably don't have coaches.

[00:15:21] And she at that age load, you're exactly right.

[00:15:24] Very few non-dad coaches that are like, hey, I'm going to volunteer to be a coach of 12 year olds.

[00:15:31] You know why I'm still coaching?

[00:15:32] That's the only reason why I'm coaching.

[00:15:34] Yeah.

[00:15:36] Yeah.

[00:15:36] Yeah.

[00:15:36] Good stuff.

[00:15:37] So let's transition.

[00:15:39] Cause you guys are competitive program, right?

[00:15:42] In Southern California, we have high end.

[00:15:45] The girls that go through the programs that we went through have a very high chance of getting recruited.

[00:15:52] Right?

[00:15:53] You got the Crony Angels, Athletics Mercado, SoCal A's, Ratbusters.

[00:15:57] I think, I'm not sure where the choppers are these days, but the choppers were back when we were.

[00:16:03] What, what steps did you, cause each program is different, right?

[00:16:08] I think we're looked at a certain way.

[00:16:10] The Batbusters were looked at a certain way.

[00:16:12] Grown Angels were looked at it a certain way.

[00:16:14] What steps did you foster to competitive, positive culture on the travel team, especially in high pressure tournaments and rivalries, right?

[00:16:23] Cause there's, I think either Angels and Batbusters is like the Yankees and Dodgers, I think.

[00:16:29] In my eyes, it's very similar.

[00:16:31] It's just, you just have, you just have that little side eye.

[00:16:34] You always walk, you always have that side eye when you walk by the Crony Angels.

[00:16:37] I don't know if you want to discuss that a little bit.

[00:16:39] Yeah.

[00:16:39] And it was, we had opportunities to go multiple places, just like you did.

[00:16:44] We sat down with Marty and we sat down with other organizations and we just talked because I'm a coach.

[00:16:50] My wife's a coach and we weren't parents at that time.

[00:16:53] We were coaches and we knew at that time, we wanted our daughters to be coached hard.

[00:17:00] Because if you're not coached hard at the travel ball level, you're not going to be ready when you go to college.

[00:17:07] Period.

[00:17:08] I don't care what people say, because when you get to college, it's, it's a business.

[00:17:13] It's a job.

[00:17:13] You're an employee.

[00:17:14] You love the game.

[00:17:15] You want to be good and all that kind of stuff, but you're just a number when you go to college.

[00:17:20] And I hate to tell that parents, but that's honest, real talk right there.

[00:17:25] Because when you go on your recruiting trips, guess what?

[00:17:27] It's everything hunky-dory.

[00:17:29] You're great.

[00:17:30] And they put on a great show for you.

[00:17:32] They throw the red carpet out for you.

[00:17:33] And they, all the glamorous, digital, all awesome.

[00:17:37] Love it.

[00:17:38] They do an excellent job.

[00:17:39] Each program does.

[00:17:40] But when you get there and you have 25 other girls that are either better than you or the same position or you are equal with you as far as skill set.

[00:17:50] Now, guess what?

[00:17:52] Who's going to rise up and who is going to choke because they've never been in that environment.

[00:17:57] That's the thing that we wanted for our bros.

[00:17:59] And that's what Marty and I talked to college coaches.

[00:18:02] I did about each organization and they gave me their pros and cons about it.

[00:18:08] And they're like, the one thing I loved about Marty is if you can play for Marty, you can play for any college coach in America.

[00:18:15] Yeah.

[00:18:15] Lately, she always talks about, she always heard from her about hell week, right?

[00:18:19] You guys have a hell week.

[00:18:22] She always says, she's all in the hiding mic.

[00:18:24] So Batbusters, we had hell week every weekend.

[00:18:27] And I'm like, Lace, I'm pretty sure the Croning Angels practice hard.

[00:18:31] They just didn't practice hard one week.

[00:18:34] Yeah.

[00:18:35] That hell week, he got smart this past two years and he put it like two weeks before we went into nationals.

[00:18:41] So Marty is changing because he's getting smarter.

[00:18:44] And that's the reason why college coaches love him.

[00:18:46] But again, there's so many great coaches from a high organization.

[00:18:50] And if I could say anything to parents right now, if your coach at the travel ball level

[00:18:55] is not coaching your daughter hard.

[00:18:57] Right.

[00:18:57] I would question that because when they get to college, it's going to be a lot harder.

[00:19:03] Yeah.

[00:19:03] It always brings you back to when Lacey was 10U.

[00:19:07] Midway through her second year 10th, we were a really good 10U team.

[00:19:12] We're talking 10U, but we were really good as 10Us.

[00:19:16] And our coach, Chris Garcia, was hard ass.

[00:19:20] He was tough on the girls.

[00:19:21] And about halfway through, about half of them quit.

[00:19:24] They just couldn't handle it.

[00:19:26] Amber Tover, right?

[00:19:28] She was on our team.

[00:19:29] She was at third base.

[00:19:30] And it was just warmups.

[00:19:31] She overthrew first base and he yanked her.

[00:19:33] He just, he was so mad that he overthrew just in warmups.

[00:19:37] And he yanked her.

[00:19:38] And then that weekend she left and went somewhere else.

[00:19:41] And then six, five or six other girls left.

[00:19:44] And we were down, we were down to skeleton, right?

[00:19:46] And then all of a sudden we got these girls and they just, they bought into what he was saying.

[00:19:50] And he was just, and these girls, we went to the national championship.

[00:19:54] And, but it's to your point, you got to find, you got to find girls.

[00:19:59] Number one, you got to find the right parents that get it.

[00:20:02] Right.

[00:20:03] And then you got to find the girls that are just nails that are just, are going to, are

[00:20:07] going to pay, get it yelled at and not take a person.

[00:20:11] They're going to, they're going to nod their head and they're going to get out for it and

[00:20:13] get dirty.

[00:20:14] Yeah.

[00:20:14] Good stuff.

[00:20:15] So let's do that.

[00:20:17] Let's get into the recruiting part.

[00:20:21] Cause you're, you are, you have your own, I don't know.

[00:20:24] Is it, is your own business or is it?

[00:20:26] Instantly let's go back.

[00:20:28] If you don't mind with the recruiting.

[00:20:30] Okay.

[00:20:31] Yeah.

[00:20:32] When I started with KK, I didn't know what the heck I was doing.

[00:20:35] I did not at all.

[00:20:37] And this is when she was in sixth grade and seventh grade because the rule they had to

[00:20:43] commit at an early age and KK recruit got verbal at eighth grader going into her ninth grade

[00:20:51] year in the summer.

[00:20:53] And so at that time, dude, I was deer in a headlight.

[00:20:57] Look, I didn't know what the heck I was doing.

[00:21:00] I was trying to get as much information from people that didn't know what the heck they

[00:21:03] were talking about.

[00:21:04] And that's what parents do today.

[00:21:06] But after that, I promised myself never going to happen again.

[00:21:12] So I started talking and reaching out to college coaches that I knew and started asking them

[00:21:19] a series of questions.

[00:21:20] And that helped me for Sierra.

[00:21:24] I, that is going to help me for Lexi and NSR, which is national scouting report.

[00:21:30] I would been with them for five, six years, whatever it may be now.

[00:21:33] And they've educated me even that much more.

[00:21:37] But at the same time is what I do is about relationships with college coaches.

[00:21:44] And people say, this is a myth out there.

[00:21:48] Big myth.

[00:21:50] If I'm good enough, they're going to find me.

[00:21:52] Not going to happen.

[00:21:53] And that goes back to what we were talking about earlier.

[00:21:55] If you want to play at the elite level in college, which only 1%, 2% do, then you got

[00:22:04] to be in the best elite program that you're playing against the best elite girls every weekend.

[00:22:13] College coaches tell me all this time.

[00:22:15] I'm sick and tired of getting emails from parents.

[00:22:17] Let me say it again.

[00:22:18] From Karen.

[00:22:20] No, nevermind.

[00:22:21] It's not the parents, but it's the girls email address that's sending it.

[00:22:24] Okay.

[00:22:25] So I'm going to tell you this right now, parents.

[00:22:27] Stop doing it for them.

[00:22:29] Because college coaches know that.

[00:22:31] And it turns them off so quickly.

[00:22:32] So you're rolling in that.

[00:22:34] But that's another thing we won't talk about.

[00:22:36] Okay.

[00:22:37] And they're telling me the same thing.

[00:22:38] College coaches.

[00:22:39] David, yeah, you might hit three home runs, but where's that picture going?

[00:22:44] What's that team call?

[00:22:46] They're terrible.

[00:22:48] If you throw, if a girl throws anywhere between 65 and 70 and you hit a home run against her,

[00:22:56] hey, kudos to you.

[00:22:57] Kudos to you.

[00:22:58] But if you're 58, 61, 62, no, seriously.

[00:23:04] Yeah.

[00:23:04] It's not going to get the elite.

[00:23:06] Now I'm going to say you can't play.

[00:23:08] I'm not saying that at all, but if you want to be elite, you got to be able to hit elite pitching every weekend.

[00:23:14] And that's the reason why you have the stiffs.

[00:23:17] That's the reason why you have the Ricos.

[00:23:18] That's the reason why you have Brashears.

[00:23:20] That's the reason why you have Mercados.

[00:23:21] That's the reason why you have the athletic.

[00:23:23] And that's the reason why you have the angels with Marty Tyson.

[00:23:26] Okay.

[00:23:27] If you're on those teams, guess what?

[00:23:29] They're going to be playing against the best every weekend.

[00:23:32] Yep.

[00:23:32] And that's what you do in college.

[00:23:34] Yeah.

[00:23:35] And I can't believe I forgot Rico and Firecrackers because they're big.

[00:23:39] They're nationwide, but they're mainly into the Cowboy too.

[00:23:42] Yeah.

[00:23:43] So I did an episode last week.

[00:23:44] It was a solo cast.

[00:23:46] And I, what would, I said, what advice would I give myself, my younger self?

[00:23:51] And it was, it was about me talking to my younger self and what would, what advice, the advice,

[00:23:57] the main advice was it had to do with trusting my gut, right?

[00:24:01] We were with the Batbusters and she was on this 18th, but with stiff typically, and I

[00:24:08] don't know if it's, if he does anymore, but he, college coaches came to him, right?

[00:24:13] They would come watch, like you were just saying, they would come watch his games because he

[00:24:17] had all the top players.

[00:24:18] He wasn't playing Lacey at the time.

[00:24:20] And so there's nobody watching her.

[00:24:22] And that was, it was that day when, and I wanted to thank you for that.

[00:24:27] I was going to bring that.

[00:24:29] The, I would have, what I would have, I told myself, I would have trusted my gut sooner

[00:24:33] because we went to Florida.

[00:24:35] She didn't play in Florida.

[00:24:36] I was so mad.

[00:24:37] I was pissed.

[00:24:38] I'm like, why is she on this team?

[00:24:40] But I, I trusted the process.

[00:24:42] I trusted Mike Stith.

[00:24:43] I trusted that he was going to get my daughter recruited.

[00:24:46] That's not true.

[00:24:47] He's not getting my gut daughter recruited.

[00:24:49] She needs to get recruited.

[00:24:50] And she needs to be on the right team with the right person to have an advocate.

[00:24:54] And that's what you do, right?

[00:24:55] You're an advocate for these players.

[00:24:57] And I wanted to, again, I wanted to just verbally record.

[00:25:01] Thank you.

[00:25:01] Because after that last game, when we got booted from the team, I'm visualizing right now, you

[00:25:07] and I were walking together on the path in between these fields.

[00:25:12] You were consulting me.

[00:25:14] You're just like, man, just keep at it.

[00:25:16] Make sure you get on the right team.

[00:25:18] And I really appreciated that.

[00:25:20] So I wanted to thank you for being there for me.

[00:25:22] You didn't know that you were there for me, but you were there for me as a father.

[00:25:26] And thank you.

[00:25:26] I appreciate that.

[00:25:27] And that's the one thing that I want to help dad, as well as moms, of course.

[00:25:32] But at the same time, we, and I'm talking dads, can get very heady where we make quick,

[00:25:39] rash decisions instead of looking at the whole picture.

[00:25:43] And sometimes we got to get slapped across the face and say, hey, is my daughter good

[00:25:48] enough to play at this organization or this school?

[00:25:53] And sometimes it's not about us dads.

[00:25:56] It's about your kids.

[00:25:58] And that's where I've grown up.

[00:25:59] That's where I've matured.

[00:26:00] And so when I have those conversations with dads, I can just be a stumbling stone to them,

[00:26:06] but let them understand that it's okay to feel that way.

[00:26:09] There's nothing wrong with it, but you got to do what's best for your kid in the long run.

[00:26:13] And that's what you did.

[00:26:14] And your daughter has had a great college career and she got a lot of things going for her too.

[00:26:19] So guess what?

[00:26:20] Kudos to mom and dad for that, because when push comes up, that's all it's about in the long run.

[00:26:25] Yeah.

[00:26:26] I was looking at it as prestige, right?

[00:26:28] Oh, she's on, she's on, oh, she's on stiff team.

[00:26:30] So she's automatically going to get a scholarship.

[00:26:33] And that's not true.

[00:26:35] So when we did polar, we went to SoCal A's.

[00:26:38] They had a recruiting coordinator and they started making calls.

[00:26:42] And she, we were all of a sudden we're starting to talk to colleges, which was, so that's my whole thing was,

[00:26:49] and you said it, you gotta be a stud.

[00:26:52] You gotta be, you gotta be playing other studs in order to get recognized.

[00:26:56] You also need to have an advocate behind you, like what you do with NSR.

[00:27:00] Cause I'm sure you're having those tough conversations.

[00:27:03] And we talked about their September, this is September 1st, right?

[00:27:07] Yes.

[00:27:07] Where you're having, there's going to be girls that are automatically going to get 10, 15 calls at 12.01, right?

[00:27:14] But then you have that subsection, which is, so you have those conversations, which I appreciate.

[00:27:20] And that's why I was talking about having an advocacy.

[00:27:22] You gotta have somebody that's going to say, okay, listen, you're not there, but don't, like, don't get all like depressed and have these mental,

[00:27:32] oh, this person is getting, cause Lacey deleted Twitter.

[00:27:35] Cause she's, she was seeing all these people committing and she got so depressed because she thought she was going to get a call.

[00:27:43] The reason why she thought she was going to get a call, but she didn't is because no one told her like, Hey, you're not going to get a call.

[00:27:48] You're not there yet.

[00:27:49] And that's what I appreciate about you.

[00:27:51] Cause I'm sure you pull these girls aside.

[00:27:53] Hey, listen, you're probably not going to get a call, but we're still going to be working hard, you know, for, for you at the end of the day.

[00:28:00] You always have a, have to have a backup plan.

[00:28:04] Because you can always have dreams and goals that you want to go play at the division one level.

[00:28:09] Everybody does, right?

[00:28:10] Everybody wants to go play in the power forward now.

[00:28:12] It is what it is.

[00:28:13] I get it.

[00:28:13] But only a certain amount of percentage girls can play there.

[00:28:16] So you've got to have a backup plan and talk to your girls about that.

[00:28:21] And not just from a parent standpoint, but travel ball coaches or whoever their advocate is.

[00:28:27] Right.

[00:28:27] And if you're not getting that.

[00:28:30] To me, that's a problem because you got to have those honest talks.

[00:28:34] And sometimes those talks are not easy.

[00:28:36] The one thing I tell my athletes all the time, I'm not your coach.

[00:28:41] I'm not your parent.

[00:28:43] I'm a recruiting coach that is going to talk to you.

[00:28:48] Factual data driven.

[00:28:49] And if you don't like that, I'm sorry.

[00:28:52] Don't take it personal because I'm not a personal guy.

[00:28:55] I have girls, so I know what it is to have feelings and emotions and all that kind of stuff.

[00:29:01] But same time is I got to have that real talk with them.

[00:29:03] And again, it does not stop.

[00:29:06] For instance, people say, oh, a dead period.

[00:29:08] They're quiet.

[00:29:10] That's just NCAA rules, right?

[00:29:12] There's always people talking.

[00:29:14] They're always recruiting because they want to get the best.

[00:29:17] Now, the problem with these high school programs and travel ball programs.

[00:29:21] I'm sorry to say this, that portal was killing these travel ball organizations even that much more.

[00:29:29] Because when I talk to college coaches and they used to recruit anywhere between five and eight high school kids per year, cut it in half to three to four.

[00:29:40] Because they're going to go in the portal because those kids have shown that they can play at that level.

[00:29:45] They have the numbers that play in that level.

[00:29:46] And guess what?

[00:29:47] Academically, they got it done.

[00:29:49] The college academics, which you know is no joke.

[00:29:53] And you got to be able to balance it.

[00:29:54] So why am I going to take a high school senior that hasn't shown the numbers, that hasn't shown the numbers in the classroom where I can get this girl in the portal that has three more years too.

[00:30:03] So there's a lot of things that the portal is hurting high school programs as well as organizations.

[00:30:08] And I feel bad for girls that have the dreams and goals to play the highest level possible.

[00:30:14] Yeah, I've been mulling that over.

[00:30:16] It's almost, the portal is almost, it's like a rich man's JC, right?

[00:30:21] Because a lot of times you go JC.

[00:30:23] And then even colleges now love JUCOs because they've gotten two years of seasoning.

[00:30:29] And then now they have this mature junior and senior that are going to just perform.

[00:30:33] This portal is, these girls may be going and they commit to whatever school, like whatever it is.

[00:30:39] Because that they're just, because they want to go to a four-year college, not a JC.

[00:30:43] Because it's some, it's a mindset to them, right?

[00:30:46] They, but they're also thinking, okay, I'm just going to go to this school for a year and I'm going to kick butt.

[00:30:51] And then I'm going to put my name in the portal.

[00:30:53] And then I'm automatically going to go to a four-year-old.

[00:30:56] Two, over 2,000 girls are stuck in the portal.

[00:30:59] They don't have a college as a guilty, right?

[00:31:01] No.

[00:31:01] And that's the case is, but think about this too, is a lot of junior colleges, as well as a lot of division twos, their fall schedules.

[00:31:09] Who are they playing?

[00:31:11] Oh, they're playing all the, yeah, division ones.

[00:31:13] All the division ones.

[00:31:14] So guess what?

[00:31:15] If you perform against those girls in the fall, who knows what could happen to you after the season's over with, right?

[00:31:23] Or even at Christmas time, which I know people are calling each other now.

[00:31:27] So it's crazy.

[00:31:29] I feel bad.

[00:31:30] But parents, please don't allow your kid to make the decision all the time.

[00:31:37] Still educate them.

[00:31:39] Still preach them.

[00:31:40] Still help them.

[00:31:41] Still write down the old school mentality, the pros and the cons, because it does matter.

[00:31:47] Because only, you can only play softball for four or five years.

[00:31:50] And academics is so important.

[00:31:52] Thank God KK got graduate from University of Oregon with a psychology degree.

[00:31:57] Now she's getting her master's degree in mental health, psychology, with sports, illustrator.

[00:32:02] I mean, fantastic.

[00:32:03] I'm so proud of KK because guess what?

[00:32:06] She got her degree.

[00:32:08] She's getting her master's degree.

[00:32:09] And now she can go start growing up like I want her to.

[00:32:13] And that's what it's all about, parents.

[00:32:15] And again, softball is we get confused.

[00:32:17] We get lost.

[00:32:19] And we get distracted with all of this stuff on social media.

[00:32:22] If I can be social media freak right now, stop it, parents.

[00:32:27] Stop it.

[00:32:28] It's not about anybody else in social media.

[00:32:30] It's about your daughter.

[00:32:31] Do what's best for your daughter.

[00:32:33] Yeah, because you look back and time is short.

[00:32:36] I mean, you look back and I see parents all the time.

[00:32:39] They just get so caught up in everything.

[00:32:40] And all of a sudden, five years later, it's all over.

[00:32:43] And now what?

[00:32:44] You know, so I'm glad you did that.

[00:32:47] We were transitioning to KK.

[00:32:49] She's done.

[00:32:50] And as she transitioned out of college, what advice do you have for parents supporting their athletes as they move on to the next phase of their lives?

[00:32:59] Whether it's grad school, which KK's in, international play, which my daughter might play.

[00:33:05] Or just starting a career.

[00:33:06] What kind of advice?

[00:33:07] Because we've interviewed a lot of ex-D1s and actually some pros.

[00:33:14] And their senior year, some, it's about 50-50, right?

[00:33:18] Some were like, I want to get the hell out of here.

[00:33:21] This sucks.

[00:33:21] And then some were like, I don't want it to end because they're always going to the World Series and they're looking forward to that.

[00:33:27] Great question.

[00:33:28] Because KK going to University of Oregon, and it was a very tough situation for KK for a lot of different reasons.

[00:33:36] So when she got done and she graduated, she looked at me because she had opportunities to go play more.

[00:33:43] She did.

[00:33:44] And as a dad, I'm like, yes, let's go.

[00:33:46] But I had to take a step back and say, hey, baby, what do you want?

[00:33:50] Dad, I'm not in the mental strain right now.

[00:33:53] I'm not in the mental health right now.

[00:33:54] I need to take time off for myself to find myself.

[00:33:58] But she lost herself.

[00:33:59] And that's what parents, you have to understand.

[00:34:01] Your job is not done when they get to college.

[00:34:03] You got to be their biggest supporter and continue to educate them and continue to help them.

[00:34:07] But same time is when she came to me, she said, dad, I need time.

[00:34:11] Oh, now she goes, could I do it after a year or two?

[00:34:14] Yeah.

[00:34:14] But right now I got to find myself again.

[00:34:17] And I'm glad she did.

[00:34:18] And it's because of her and her hard work.

[00:34:21] And what she's dove into with this master's degree has really helped her out because now

[00:34:29] she understands why she was feeling the way she was feeling when she was playing.

[00:34:33] Yeah.

[00:34:34] That's cool.

[00:34:35] And she's still in the game.

[00:34:36] It's not like she completely drives softball, right?

[00:34:38] She's a grad assistant.

[00:34:40] She's going to coach.

[00:34:41] She's going to coach.

[00:34:42] It's not, it's in her blood.

[00:34:44] And she had opportunities to go and coach this year, but she's dad.

[00:34:48] I want to go be a mat to get my master's degree and get it over with.

[00:34:51] So I can start being a full-time college coach because that's what she wants to be.

[00:34:55] And when she's there, guess what?

[00:34:57] Her work ethic is going to be the exact same way for those other players that she's working

[00:35:01] out.

[00:35:02] So I'm excited for her.

[00:35:04] Awesome, David.

[00:35:05] I appreciate your time.

[00:35:06] If someone wants to get ahold of you for recruiting advice or coaching, how can they

[00:35:11] get ahold of you?

[00:35:12] The biggest thing is I'm parents.

[00:35:14] I'm going to tell you this is please have somebody that educated in the system that

[00:35:21] understands recruiting and recruiting is all about relationships.

[00:35:26] So my thing is I would ask your travel ball coach, coach, can you give me 20 college coaches

[00:35:34] and their phone numbers right now?

[00:35:36] If they can.

[00:35:37] If they start stumbling all over themselves, guess what?

[00:35:41] But you're in the wrong place.

[00:35:43] Yeah.

[00:35:43] You're in the wrong place.

[00:35:45] And again, yeah, because when push comes shove, it's not about what other team that

[00:35:51] you're on.

[00:35:52] It's about what that travel ball coach has as far as college coaches on their speed

[00:35:58] down.

[00:35:59] So that's number one, I would tell you.

[00:36:01] Number two, every girl is not a power four girl.

[00:36:04] Not.

[00:36:05] Nope.

[00:36:06] Not going to happen.

[00:36:07] And number three is guess what?

[00:36:09] Have a backup plan.

[00:36:12] You've got to be willing to step away from your dreams and your goals.

[00:36:17] And the last thing I'm going to tell you, parents, your daughters have to be involved in this.

[00:36:24] Don't be sending emails out on their behalf.

[00:36:27] I tell my girls all the time, I need 20 to 30 minutes a day.

[00:36:31] If you can't give me 20 to 30 minutes a day, I don't want you.

[00:36:35] Because guess what?

[00:36:36] I have a relationship with college coaches.

[00:36:38] They know who I am.

[00:36:39] They don't know who you are.

[00:36:41] So that's where I want you to be engaged in this process.

[00:36:44] And again, it's accountability too.

[00:36:46] That's what I do is if I don't hear from them for a period of time, I'll shoot them a text

[00:36:50] in a group text with their parents too.

[00:36:53] I have a group text for all my athletes together as far as what they need to do.

[00:36:58] So from my standpoint, I'm a recruiting coach.

[00:37:01] That's what I am.

[00:37:03] So if you want help or you have questions, which I have seminars all the time for parents

[00:37:09] of teams just to answer questions and give you information.

[00:37:12] That's what I do too.

[00:37:14] So if you want that, you can call me, text me 951-609.

[00:37:20] I get calls and texts all the time from parents asking me.

[00:37:24] Whether I take you on as my athlete, don't know.

[00:37:28] But I still will give you information to help you out.

[00:37:31] Because guess what?

[00:37:32] If you don't have information, you're behind.

[00:37:35] And people ask me all this and this last thing I'm going to say, when's it too early to start

[00:37:41] the recruiting process?

[00:37:42] If your daughter is mentally stable to be able to handle it, start it early as you can.

[00:37:51] These people that are starting, they're sophomores and juniors and...

[00:37:55] No, you got to be eighth grade at minimum.

[00:37:58] Right.

[00:37:59] Yeah.

[00:37:59] Minimum eighth grade.

[00:38:00] I have seventh graders that I have a part of me just because once you learn the process

[00:38:05] for a year and a half, now you understand exactly what you're supposed to be doing and you can

[00:38:10] have fun for the last two or three years.

[00:38:12] There you go.

[00:38:13] Yeah.

[00:38:13] And then my last advice is if you're going to copy and paste emails, make sure you change

[00:38:17] the code.

[00:38:17] I'm just...

[00:38:18] Yeah.

[00:38:19] I agree with you a hundred percent with that one.

[00:38:21] Kendra is like, my name is Matt.

[00:38:24] Everything's fine.

[00:38:25] We've all failed before.

[00:38:26] We all have done it before and that's what you've done.

[00:38:29] You need to be engaged.

[00:38:30] They're smarter than...

[00:38:31] They're smarter than us on technology than we are.

[00:38:34] Let's be real.

[00:38:35] Let your girls do the work.

[00:38:38] Awesome stuff, Dave.

[00:38:39] I appreciate your time.

[00:38:41] It was good seeing you again and good luck with everything with your new team, with your

[00:38:46] daughter on.

[00:38:47] Good luck, buddy.

[00:38:48] Thanks, man.

[00:38:49] Appreciate it.

[00:38:49] All right.

[00:38:50] Take care.

[00:38:51] You too.