51 | REPLAY Episode 5 - Navigating Softball and Life - A Father - Daughter Conversation

[00:00:00] Formed this new friend group and now it's getting into, oh I have this birthday party on Saturday, can you come? And I have to say, no I have practice. Or no I have a tournament. And, or I have friendlies, just like little scrimmages that don't really count. And you have to explain to them why you can't miss. Why you can't skip it. Why can't you skip one day of practice?

[00:00:29] And I didn't really get it until people started asking me like, why can't you just skip one?

[00:00:34] Hello and welcome to Catching You, A Dad and Daughters Softball Journey. I'm Rusty, a dad who's been in the dugout and on the sidelines.

[00:00:42] And I'm Lacie, the daughter whose journey through softball has been filled with incredible wins, tough losses, and so many lessons both on and off the field.

[00:00:50] For the past 16 years, we've navigated the highs and lows of softball together. From the local fields to national tournaments and everything in between.

[00:00:59] From the challenges of recruitment during COVID to the mental and emotional rollercoaster that comes with being a student athlete,

[00:01:05] we'll be sharing the perspectives of both the parent and athlete and first-hand experience of the impact of sports on mental health and the importance of support from the sidelines.

[00:01:14] Welcome back, everybody, to Catching You. I'm your host, Rusty Him. With me is my daughter, Lacie. Lacie, how are you?

[00:01:23] I'm good. Now I'm home for the next three weeks and not have to worry about school, so that's good.

[00:01:31] Yeah, and you had a good semester, right?

[00:01:34] Yes, I'm hoping for the 4.0. Just waiting on one research paper to be put in the grade book.

[00:01:44] Nice. And what did I do last night with you?

[00:01:49] Oh, you came and caught my pitching lesson.

[00:01:54] I caught your pitching lessons.

[00:01:55] Yes.

[00:01:56] And I didn't die.

[00:01:57] We were just working on the basics and getting the mechanics down, so.

[00:02:04] Interesting. You're a junior in college and you're still working on the basics. I love it.

[00:02:08] But it's mostly old habits that I've had over the years that have not been tended to.

[00:02:21] So it shows the importance of just the little minor details and that could possibly affect you when you grow old to be a college athlete or a professional athlete too.

[00:02:33] Yeah. The one thing she said last night that caught me was when you were younger, you were, you threw pretty hard for your, for your age.

[00:02:41] We're actually going to talk about transitioning from 10U to 12U now, but you were throwing pretty decent, right?

[00:02:48] And you had a nice little change up and you got away with, right? I think she was saying you got away with certain techniques or your posture because you threw hard and your upper body was probably stronger than your lower body at the time.

[00:03:01] But over time you need your lower body, right?

[00:03:06] Yeah.

[00:03:07] I'd say it's about 75% of pitching is less.

[00:03:12] Yeah.

[00:03:13] Um, it is possible because growing up kids are not fully grown into their bodies yet. Some are still growing into their bodies and don't really have full control of body awareness or don't know what body awareness is.

[00:03:31] Especially for girls. It's a lot, it's really hard, but yeah, I think focusing on legs is really good for, for young pitchers, especially.

[00:03:40] Do you think pitching, pitching coaches out there don't focus enough on legs and they really focus on like the grip and the spin more than the lower body?

[00:03:53] I think lower body is a pretty good, pretty big focus, but what's, what I find hard with my lessons is for them to actually push off hard off the mound.

[00:04:05] Hmm.

[00:04:06] I always ask, so do you think you can go harder than that? And they always say, yeah, I think so. Or yeah, I can go harder. So it's why didn't you go hard the first time? You know what I'm saying? Like when I say push off the mound, push off the mound, not just step off the mound.

[00:04:22] So I've tried, I've caught a few of my girls trying to, trying to really figure out how like put what pushing off the mound really means basically.

[00:04:34] Yeah. It's interesting to say that because when I coached basketball, we would always, I would, I would always stress in the practices. You actually want to practice harder than you would in the actual game, right? Cause then the game just comes natural, right? If you take it easy and practice and all of a sudden there's an intense moment in the game and you're not used to it. You're not prepared for it. So that's cool. That's good. I'm glad you said that.

[00:04:57] And it's fine to go slow at times and really focus on, like, I definitely need to slow it down a few times to really feel what I feel I need to fix. But then eventually you're going to have to go harder. You can't just stay slow for the rest of it. You can't just go slow the whole time. So you need to figure out as you're going fast or going in that fast motion, how to translate how you, what you do slow and translate it over to when you go full pitch.

[00:05:24] Awesome. So yeah, like I mentioned earlier, we're going to transition. We're, we just got done doing 10 new second year tens. We lost in the national championship by one run. It was a really good game. I guess a really good team. And just, just some highlights from that year we developed as parents. And I'm talking on the parent side now, we've developed some pretty good relationships with the opposing parents.

[00:05:53] I think they respected us from Southern California. Maybe they, maybe they thought differently of us before we got there. And then when we got there, they're like, Oh, these guys are cool. Right. Not everyone in Southern California felt the same way about us.

[00:06:06] But, but it was cool as parents. To this day, I still communicate with a couple of parents on the mojo team. Communicate was one of the, I think the coach from the impact goals.

[00:06:18] And we're going to get into second year 12s and some of those relationships as well. But it's, I think it's pretty cool. Like a family. I think if you're part of the softball community, it's almost a family atmosphere. I don't know what your thoughts are with some of the girls. I know you don't talk to much of them before, but you did communicate with a couple of them throughout the years. Right.

[00:06:39] Yeah. And in, in 12 you, I think, cause that's the, it's the time around like middle school, like you're just entering middle school.

[00:06:48] Yeah.

[00:06:49] So anytime between like elementary school and middle school is like a crucial social period for young kids. But I was seeing these girls four or five times a week, maybe more than I see my friends at school, but over the weekend, I'm going six or seven hour practices on Saturdays and Sundays.

[00:07:09] And then even tournaments going 12 or more hours each day. I definitely grew very close with a lot of girls and I definitely am friends with a lot of them to this day. And I play against them now and now in college.

[00:07:25] So even though I'm not as close with some that I grew up with, I know that we'll still have that connection. Like knowing we went through a certain part of our lives together, especially like the, the growing in sports, like in growing up in youth sports connection. Yeah.

[00:07:45] Yeah. I can, I can see, I can see a lot of those girls hypothetically that say you get married and there's an announcement you get married. I'm, I'm positive that most of them will reach out. Congratulations.

[00:07:56] They'll still have that communication with you and you're still pretty close to a couple of them. That's pretty cool. Well, let's talk about that a little bit. Um, transitioning right now you're, you just got promoted. I don't know how you say it graduated and promoted from fifth grade into middle school.

[00:08:14] I'd say you just go to middle school.

[00:08:17] Right. And I was a middle school teacher when I first started. So I, I know, you know, how tough it can be as far as, you're, you're, you're 11, 12. You're just reaching those teenage years. Those are probably the most difficult years, especially for a female. Things are changing pretty rapidly. And can you touch upon, you alluded to it, right? Those long distance practices. So.

[00:08:44] Talk about.

[00:08:45] Talk about.

[00:08:46] Our transition from the team. Now we're still, we still have the same.

[00:08:51] Team.

[00:08:51] Team, right. The majority of the girls from 10 U stayed.

[00:08:54] And so we had a pretty good 12 U team. Can you talk a little bit about.

[00:09:00] The transition time constraints.

[00:09:04] And going into middle school and what, what that looked like.

[00:09:07] Yeah.

[00:09:08] We still had pretty much the same team going into 12. So a lot of the same girls, but I noticed after, because after you lose a national championship, you have the hunger to, it like eats at you that you want to win another.

[00:09:25] You want to go and win and get to the national champion and actually win instead of losing by one run.

[00:09:33] So now the stakes are even higher.

[00:09:36] And now you notice the vibe within a team. We all have the same goal and we're all on the same page.

[00:09:42] And if we don't get there, then like something went wrong and we need to fix it.

[00:09:46] But now that we're, I'm getting into middle school, I, it's like the formation of friend groups and meeting people in middle school that don't necessarily play softball and are not in youth sports.

[00:10:01] They either do, they have other hobbies. They're doing, they're into art. They're into karate. They're into all these different things.

[00:10:10] Equestrian wasn't one of them in the, like riding horses.

[00:10:14] Like I have known nothing about that, but you start building new friendships in middle school based on like your character and personality and morals.

[00:10:23] And I knew some girls at my middle school that played softball, but it was like, I didn't develop great friendships as to the ones that didn't play softball.

[00:10:33] Right.

[00:10:34] Form this new friend group. And now it's getting into, Oh, I have this birthday party on Saturday. Can you come? And I have to say, no, I have practice. Or no, I have a tournament.

[00:10:47] And.

[00:10:48] Or I have friendlies.

[00:10:49] Or I have friendlies, just like little scrimmages that don't really count. And you have to explain to them why you can't miss you, why you can't skip it.

[00:11:00] Why can't, why can't you skip one day of practice?

[00:11:04] And.

[00:11:06] It.

[00:11:07] I didn't really get it until people started asking me like, why can't you just skip one?

[00:11:12] But.

[00:11:12] Big deal, right?

[00:11:13] What's the big deal?

[00:11:14] Yeah.

[00:11:15] And that's, it just clicked for me that it's, this is how it's going to be for.

[00:11:20] Until I'm a senior in high school and I go to college, this is how it's going to be.

[00:11:24] And.

[00:11:25] That's, it's the life I really chose basically.

[00:11:28] And you're going to miss birthday parties.

[00:11:30] You're going to miss school dances.

[00:11:32] You're going to miss.

[00:11:33] School functions.

[00:11:34] You're going to miss all, like all these different things that you want to go to because of the commitment you made to your team.

[00:11:42] Basically.

[00:11:42] Yeah.

[00:11:43] No, and I'm lying.

[00:11:45] I just resigned from coaching basketball.

[00:11:47] So now I have all this free time.

[00:11:49] Yeah.

[00:11:50] To hang out with you.

[00:11:51] And.

[00:11:52] And.

[00:11:53] Part of the reason is he moved the practices.

[00:11:56] Remember I, we used to practice 15 minutes away at Shady Maple.

[00:12:00] He moved the practice an hour away.

[00:12:03] He lived in the same city we did and Marietta.

[00:12:06] And then.

[00:12:06] He moved it to Anaheim to, I think what, to attract more girls that live farther away.

[00:12:12] Because Bat Busters was based out of Orange County.

[00:12:14] A lot of the girls did live in that Orange County area, maybe a little bit farther than that.

[00:12:20] And.

[00:12:21] We wanted to be more in that general area for.

[00:12:26] And again, we're in the Bat Buster organization.

[00:12:29] We're one of the top teams in the nation.

[00:12:32] Not at the time.

[00:12:33] Then second year 12, we were one of the better team.

[00:12:36] But we were Chris.

[00:12:38] And then now I'm full-time coach with him too.

[00:12:41] So our goal was to make PGF, right?

[00:12:46] And those of you in the softball world know what PGF is.

[00:12:49] And at that time there was no alliance or there was no, I think USA elite, but select.

[00:12:55] So it was this PGF was it, right?

[00:12:57] And so in order to make PGF is like a huge deal.

[00:13:01] So again, we are, we went from second year 12 tens to second year tens.

[00:13:07] Our goal is to win the national championship.

[00:13:09] We're one game shy.

[00:13:11] Now first year 12s, again, you're younger, probably not going to make the national championship.

[00:13:19] However, making PGF is a huge deal.

[00:13:22] So that was our main goal is we're now it's you're older.

[00:13:27] The expectations are there.

[00:13:29] And not just because there was a PGF.

[00:13:32] There's two different levels.

[00:13:33] There's the platinum.

[00:13:34] Yeah.

[00:13:35] Then there's the premier.

[00:13:37] So as a first year 12s, we don't, we, we didn't want to go platinum.

[00:13:42] That was like, that wasn't even an option in our heads.

[00:13:45] We wanted to make premiere and experience going through the premier level, even with the second year 12 girls.

[00:13:52] I'm glad you brought that up.

[00:13:54] Cause there was a story we talked about off the air last time where we got second place.

[00:14:00] Yep.

[00:14:01] And I, we couldn't remember if it was all stars, if it was 10 year, but we got second place in a tournament.

[00:14:09] And, and we walked by this trash can, all the girls were walking back to our cars and we walked by the trash can.

[00:14:15] We dumped the, was it ribbon?

[00:14:18] Like a metal?

[00:14:19] We had metals.

[00:14:20] Yeah.

[00:14:21] Metal ribbon.

[00:14:22] And we all dumped them in the trash can.

[00:14:25] Cause we got second place.

[00:14:27] That's how our mentality was at the time.

[00:14:31] You remember that?

[00:14:32] Yeah, I do.

[00:14:33] And I don't, I remember just not really caring that it was in the trash.

[00:14:41] I did not care that, that about a metal.

[00:14:44] I really didn't care.

[00:14:45] I just, I wanted to win.

[00:14:48] And so did my team.

[00:14:49] And I think we all were like, you know what?

[00:14:51] That wasn't good enough.

[00:14:52] And we just threw it in the trash.

[00:14:56] Let's take a quick break.

[00:14:59] If you want to leave us a message, use the link in the show notes.

[00:15:02] And if you want us to respond, leave your name and email address.

[00:15:07] Also, please rate us in or leave a review as we're trying to grow the show every day.

[00:15:13] Finally, Lacey and I both love coffee.

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[00:15:18] That link is also in the show notes.

[00:15:21] Thank you.

[00:15:21] Take care.

[00:15:26] Yeah, that was our mentality.

[00:15:27] And maybe that's why people were turned off by us because that was our mentality.

[00:15:31] Maybe people still had that wreck ball mentality.

[00:15:33] Oh, everybody gets a ring and Kuba Yon.

[00:15:35] Yeah.

[00:15:36] Yeah.

[00:15:36] We participated.

[00:15:37] We did the finals.

[00:15:38] Congratulations, girls.

[00:15:39] But our attitude was, if it's not a championship, then it doesn't mean anything.

[00:15:43] And this is, this was coming off of Tennessee too.

[00:15:46] Yeah.

[00:15:46] And we already lost.

[00:15:48] So like, we don't want to feel that second place feeling ever again.

[00:15:53] And nothing against platinum, right?

[00:15:55] Nothing against platinum.

[00:15:56] Cause there's some really, there's still really good teams in the platinum.

[00:15:58] Yeah.

[00:15:59] But our goal because of the organization within and who our coach was, it was, we're going

[00:16:06] to get, we're going to go premier.

[00:16:09] Right.

[00:16:09] And we're going to try to, we're going to go, we're going to go every tournament and we're

[00:16:12] going to participate in those tournaments and we're going to, we're going to make that

[00:16:18] premiere PGA.

[00:16:19] Right.

[00:16:20] Right.

[00:16:21] Um, well, it's more like I made sacrifices.

[00:16:25] Yeah.

[00:16:26] Talk about that.

[00:16:26] You know, talk about sacrifices that you made.

[00:16:28] I already touched on the more I was, I made more like friendship sacrifices, even school

[00:16:34] wise.

[00:16:35] I was staying up late doing my homework and I was only 12 years old and in sixth grade

[00:16:42] and it only got harder, especially in high school when you're, when some girls are even

[00:16:48] taking AP classes or doing extracurriculars.

[00:16:53] I mean, was it sixth grade?

[00:16:57] I started, I played flag football too.

[00:16:59] Oh, that's right.

[00:17:00] Yeah.

[00:17:00] So it was my first year playing flag football.

[00:17:06] And of course it was boy dominated.

[00:17:08] So I was on an all boys team.

[00:17:11] I don't think I was quarterback that year.

[00:17:13] I think I was like, you and Brandon switched off.

[00:17:15] I think you might have had a couple of reps.

[00:17:18] Yeah.

[00:17:19] Or we would hand off to you and then you would throw it back to him.

[00:17:22] Yeah.

[00:17:23] Flag football was just for fun.

[00:17:25] But then again, like in the back of my head, I was always thinking about softball.

[00:17:29] Yeah.

[00:17:30] I think there were a few times I had to either pitch or do something before a flag football

[00:17:36] practice.

[00:17:37] I had to get some work in for pitching before I could do anything flag football related.

[00:17:43] If I'm not mistaken, we may have thrown a bullpen before one of your flag football practices.

[00:17:47] Oh yeah.

[00:17:48] I don't doubt it.

[00:17:49] I don't doubt it.

[00:17:50] But those were when the sacrifices started to build up a little bit and I had to solidify

[00:17:55] in my mind that was how it is.

[00:17:57] And that's, it's not changing.

[00:17:58] But what about on the parents' side?

[00:18:01] Sacrifices made.

[00:18:03] Yeah.

[00:18:03] Cause you couldn't drive.

[00:18:05] Right.

[00:18:06] And just our, your schedule was, I believe it was a Wednesday night.

[00:18:12] We would go out to Anaheim, which is an hour away to your EM, your workout.

[00:18:19] Thursday would be pitching lessons with Susie and Susie.

[00:18:23] And this, this time Susie is, we're full-time with Susie, right?

[00:18:27] We're all in with Susie.

[00:18:29] Susie Parra, if you guys don't know who Susie Parra is, played for Arizona in the early nineties.

[00:18:33] I won three national championships.

[00:18:35] She's pretty good.

[00:18:36] She's on the wall at Arizona.

[00:18:39] So she's our pitching coach.

[00:18:41] So we're like, okay, so now we're with Bat Busters and we have one of the best pitchers in the world.

[00:18:46] Back in the day, helping us.

[00:18:48] Right.

[00:18:49] So we're going out to her once a week.

[00:18:51] I think you were hitting.

[00:18:53] I think first year 12, you're still hitting.

[00:18:56] So we were doing hitting lessons with Mike Stith.

[00:19:00] And then Saturdays and Sundays was either all day practice five or six hours on Saturday, five or six hours on Sunday.

[00:19:07] And or a tournament or friendlies.

[00:19:10] We're talking eight to 10 hours of travel per week just for driving.

[00:19:14] So from my perspective, I'm a fricking taxi driver at this point.

[00:19:19] Loved it though.

[00:19:20] That was the reason I resigned because I wanted to spend more time with you.

[00:19:22] Those times in the car were awesome.

[00:19:26] I would listen to what was the way I would listen to.

[00:19:30] We were listening to what you wanted to listen to.

[00:19:32] Right.

[00:19:32] Music wise.

[00:19:34] Yeah.

[00:19:35] And then I would fall asleep.

[00:19:36] Yeah.

[00:19:37] And I would turn it to you.

[00:19:38] I would wake up to Howard Stern on the radio.

[00:19:41] And then I would turn it immediately back to what you want to listen.

[00:19:44] But that was funny because we would go to pitching lessons and he would let me sleep.

[00:19:50] I think it was early on in pitching lessons and he would let me sleep on the way to pitching lessons and wake me up like five minutes before.

[00:19:57] Mm-hmm .

[00:19:58] And then I would have a terrible pitching lesson.

[00:20:01] And he's, you're not sleeping for, you're not sleeping for five minutes before I'm waking you up like 15 minutes before you get there.

[00:20:08] Yeah.

[00:20:08] So he started waking me up about 20 to 15 to 20 minutes before we got there.

[00:20:12] So I could like lock in and mentally prepare for, to start pitching with Susie.

[00:20:18] So I'm glad you brought that up cause we didn't talk really, cause I think we were going to just talk a little bit about me, you know, your dinner, your dinner table.

[00:20:29] Oh, yeah.

[00:20:30] And, you know, again, now I'm full-time coach with, you know, assistant coach, we are trying to vie for a PGA bid.

[00:20:40] You are, I think, you're my, I'm sure you're the number one pitcher at the time.

[00:20:45] So the pressure on you to perform.

[00:20:50] And so we're, I'm driving you an hour every week to these pitching lessons.

[00:20:56] And then I'm catching you on these off days on the side yard.

[00:21:01] And I'm expecting you to hit my glove every time.

[00:21:04] And there was times where you were not, and you were not doing well.

[00:21:09] And I'm, and I was getting pissed as a dad.

[00:21:11] I'm like, what the hell?

[00:21:13] I'm driving an hour.

[00:21:14] We're spending X amount of money for these lessons.

[00:21:17] I'm taking the time to, I resigned from coaching to spend more time with you.

[00:21:23] So I'm catching you.

[00:21:25] And then you don't do well in a session.

[00:21:28] And how would I respond back before your episode?

[00:21:35] Uh, on the side yard, it'd be either he'd throw the ball hard at me or he would just roll it.

[00:21:45] And not really say anything.

[00:21:46] Yeah.

[00:21:47] Just not say anything.

[00:21:48] And then we would go through the whole, the rest of my session and then just not really say anything.

[00:21:53] Uh, after a pitching lesson, it was just like, it could have been better.

[00:21:58] Right.

[00:21:58] Like, could have stayed focused more, all that stuff.

[00:22:02] Um, is that, I think there was not a lot of positive things.

[00:22:06] I would say when you had a good session and be, Hey, good job.

[00:22:08] But when it was a bad session, it was a lot of negative energy coming from me, I believe.

[00:22:15] Yeah.

[00:22:16] And as a young child, I think kids, kids are way more observant and obviously they, they watch everything your, the parents do basically from, from when you come home from the hospital, basically from baby and up in all the, up until you're young.

[00:22:37] And you can tell when your parent is upset or your guardian's upset and they don't have to say anything for you to know.

[00:22:46] Like they can be just completely silent and you just know that something's wrong.

[00:22:51] So I, I got that energy from him in the car and I'd look over and see if he was going to say anything, but he wouldn't say anything.

[00:22:58] But yeah, I think they're all kids are very observant of behaviors, personality, and that's when you grow up and you see some mannerisms in your child that, that are came from you or came from the other guardians.

[00:23:15] So it's definitely observant from the child's perspective and it can have an impact.

[00:23:22] Any sort of behavior can have an impact.

[00:23:25] Yeah. We laugh about it now when you pitch it over the fence, right? That was probably when I would get my most, I would get most upset because I'm like, but the, and you weren't throwing rise balls at the time.

[00:23:36] It was just, you'd throw over the fence, right?

[00:23:38] There was, you were, it was either curve ball, screw ball or change up.

[00:23:41] There was no rise ball in your repertoire and you still throw it over the fence.

[00:23:45] And I would get, I would get so mad and I would mope and I would open the gate real slow and you would follow me.

[00:23:51] You'd come out to the gate to retrieve the ball, which I appreciated. You didn't stay where you are. You came out with me to retrieve the ball back.

[00:24:00] But that was when I would get most upset.

[00:24:02] The car ride homes. I was conscious of that. I didn't want to, I didn't want to berate you in the car after a bad game or something. Right?

[00:24:11] It was, it's very rare that you had a bad game. You, you first year 12, second year 12s, you were picking up steam as far as how well you were pitching.

[00:24:20] So I was cautious of that. I didn't want to berate you or, or say anything negative on the way home. If it wasn't bad, I would just ignore you.

[00:24:27] And then we would try to, and then we would, when we get home, I would ask you, Hey, and this could be after, I don't know if you want to touch them on your meltdown at the kitchen table.

[00:24:38] Cause so this probably it was after your meltdown. Yeah. So I don't know if you want to describe.

[00:24:43] I don't know exactly when it was, but I think it was after a bad pitching session on the side yard.

[00:24:51] And he was like throwing the ball back at me hard and all that stuff. And then ignored me after.

[00:24:57] And then I think I just, I couldn't handle it anymore. And I didn't know what the plan or like, how do you confront the problem?

[00:25:10] So I think I went to my mom first and I was like, mom, dad's being really mean.

[00:25:16] Or, and she would ask like, how is he being mean? And then I would express, he doesn't talk to me when I do bad, but I just, I didn't know how to express at the time, but I think I just needed some positive reinforcement.

[00:25:31] Cause I didn't know.

[00:25:32] I, I, you know, what about that? Cause I didn't know, like, you're my only daughter.

[00:25:37] Yeah.

[00:25:37] And I, again, I didn't have a father growing up. He passed away when I was super young. So I didn't have a father figure.

[00:25:44] Two and I had three older brothers. So I, I didn't know how to deal with females, especially 11 years old in sports and travel balls.

[00:25:53] And my natural, again, my, I talked about before where when I'd get mad, I would just shut down.

[00:26:00] Right.

[00:26:02] So looking back, like what advice would you give me if you had a bad session?

[00:26:10] What would you tell 10 years, 10 years, 10 years ago, dad, what would you, what we, how would you want me to react?

[00:26:19] Cause I think I would, I internally would know that I was not doing well, but I think at that age, it was hard for me to internally make adjustments and know what adjustments needed to be made.

[00:26:36] Because now that was when I first started going to Susie and that's when she first started introducing to me, you need to internally know like how to fix things.

[00:26:47] And especially in a game, when things are going bad, you got to know what to fix, but I'm still easing into that.

[00:26:56] And I'm so used to people telling me like on the sidelines, Hey Lacey, squeeze your legs or Lacey, snap harder.

[00:27:06] And during these sessions, now that I'm getting a little bit older, I think you were expecting me to make those adjustments on my own, like much quicker than I think you thought I could.

[00:27:16] And I think what I really needed was, I mean, you sat in on every pitching lesson.

[00:27:22] Mm-hmm.

[00:27:22] So, and you would listen to what Susie would say.

[00:27:27] So I think I was just kind of maybe little things here and there.

[00:27:33] Hey, try this, try snapping a little bit earlier or try squeezing your legs harder.

[00:27:38] But like.

[00:27:39] Good.

[00:27:39] Just more instruction.

[00:27:40] Yeah.

[00:27:41] Setting down.

[00:27:42] Right.

[00:27:43] Yeah.

[00:27:43] But like, it doesn't need to be, it's not, Oh, it's okay, sweetie.

[00:27:47] You'll get the next one.

[00:27:48] And that's not how I'm trying to portray it because if you're going to be in that competitive environment, you need a little kick in the butt and you're, it's not all.

[00:28:02] Oh, it's okay.

[00:28:04] No, none of that.

[00:28:05] Yeah.

[00:28:06] So talk, so you melt down at the kitchen table.

[00:28:08] So now it's okay.

[00:28:09] Let's have a little powwow on the kitchen table.

[00:28:12] And you try to express to me how you're feeling and you just break down.

[00:28:17] Yeah.

[00:28:19] You just break down and cry.

[00:28:21] It's natural for me.

[00:28:22] If I'm mad.

[00:28:23] Yeah.

[00:28:23] If I'm mad, there's probably tears.

[00:28:25] And if I'm sad, there's probably tears.

[00:28:27] And sometimes I don't know the difference.

[00:28:29] Yeah.

[00:28:29] So seeing you cry, obviously I had to make adjustments as a parent.

[00:28:33] That's when I started backing off and try to be more supportive.

[00:28:39] And I think it helped.

[00:28:41] Yeah.

[00:28:42] It definitely helped.

[00:28:44] I think our relationship got better on the side yard where I was like, hey, maybe you should go in like where you described where I was taking what Susie was telling you and trying to apply it.

[00:28:56] Because I knew nothing about pitching.

[00:28:58] I just would just regurgitate what she would say.

[00:29:00] Right?

[00:29:01] Yeah.

[00:29:01] Squeeze your hips or snap your wrist or release sooner.

[00:29:05] And then I would ask you, hey, what did you think?

[00:29:08] And then I started asking you, what did you think of the session?

[00:29:11] What do you think you need to improve on?

[00:29:14] So that helped me as a parent realize that I wasn't doing a very good job parenting.

[00:29:21] I needed to make adjustments.

[00:29:23] And it's important, I think, that aspect of how do you think you did?

[00:29:30] Because at that point, the athlete can't just, you can't lie to yourself.

[00:29:35] Because if you lie to yourself, then things are only going to stay the same and stay exactly how they are.

[00:29:41] And with the car rides home from a bad game, I think, I don't know if I told you before the meltdown or after, but I'm already hard on myself as it is.

[00:29:53] If my number one support system, my mom or my dad are hard on me as well and go the berating route, then I would have, I think I would have spiraled, to be honest.

[00:30:07] I think you noticed that I was already hard on myself as it is and gave me that silence on the way home.

[00:30:14] Because I knew all our games were an hour and a half, two hours away.

[00:30:18] So I know I had about 20 minutes to think about it.

[00:30:21] And then I would look over and be like, what do you think?

[00:30:24] What did you think about that game?

[00:30:26] And then he would give me his opinion and then we would go back and forth.

[00:30:30] But it was nothing like negative.

[00:30:35] Yeah.

[00:30:36] And that's a good point because, again, I'm talking to the dads out there and there are dads that berate.

[00:30:42] There's a dad and that's how we lose girls in the sport, right?

[00:30:46] A lot of girls fall out of love of the sport that they fell in love with because their dad is just constantly berating them and getting on them and talking down to them.

[00:30:59] And you pitched horrible.

[00:31:01] What's wrong with you?

[00:31:02] And I'm not, this is not, I'm not making this up.

[00:31:05] This happened.

[00:31:07] Right.

[00:31:07] Constantly.

[00:31:08] And we lose so many girls that are talented, but they just, they're just like, if my dad's going to act this way, then I'm just going to stop playing.

[00:31:17] That's the easiest way out.

[00:31:18] Right.

[00:31:19] If I just stop playing, then I'm not going to get yelled at.

[00:31:21] Yeah.

[00:31:21] Yeah.

[00:31:22] And I think you're doing that with pitching lessons.

[00:31:25] You're even, are you talking to them and saying, Hey, do you really want to do this?

[00:31:28] Like you.

[00:31:29] Yeah.

[00:31:29] There's, you can tell with their attitude or effort coming into a lesson, if they really want to be there.

[00:31:35] Are they practicing at home when I tell them what to practice after the lesson?

[00:31:43] Are they coming in the same exact pitcher they came in a month ago?

[00:31:47] So, cause especially at a young age, I'm expecting, cause it's at a young age, it starts with the big mechanics and then you tie in the gap and then it's smaller mechanics as you get older.

[00:31:59] But there's big things that are pretty, that could be pretty quickly adjusted, like staying tall or squeezing your legs.

[00:32:08] And if I'm noticing that it's not really changing, then obviously then something's not being practiced at home.

[00:32:16] But then we, as a organ or as a, in my, where I work, my job, we have to, the parent has to catch them or some, someone else has to catch them because if the instructor catches, we're focusing on catching them.

[00:32:33] But we want to focus on the pitcher or the hitter, whoever.

[00:32:38] So either the parent or someone else is coming in the catch and it's mostly the parents.

[00:32:42] And I've had to express to them, like, this is a, there's, there's another way to go about being frustrated at your child.

[00:32:49] There's another way to do it.

[00:32:51] I've been through it.

[00:32:53] I've experienced it.

[00:32:55] So this is how not to do it.

[00:32:57] Right.

[00:32:58] And throwing the ball back at your kid as hard as you can, as they're only 12 or 11 years old, is probably not the solution.

[00:33:08] It's, I, it instills a certain kind of, I don't know, I'd say fear, but I, it's like, you're scared to mess up.

[00:33:17] You know how, as you get older, it's don't be afraid to fail, but you're instilling in your kid.

[00:33:23] Okay.

[00:33:23] If I mess up right now, then I'm afraid he's going to get mad at me or he's going to throw the ball hard at me.

[00:33:30] So you tell people as you get older, don't be afraid to fail.

[00:33:33] Don't be afraid to fail.

[00:33:34] But yeah.

[00:33:35] Yeah.

[00:33:35] Because failing, that's how you get better.

[00:33:37] Right.

[00:33:38] What?

[00:33:39] So yeah, we got to finish up here.

[00:33:41] So advice to girls in this situation where they're feeling that pressure from their dad, what sort of advice would you give them?

[00:33:52] Talk to them now.

[00:33:53] You're talking to 11 year old.

[00:33:55] If you were to talk to 11 year old Lacey, what would you tell her about how to, how to approach your dad or what advice would you give them?

[00:34:04] The only really thing is you got to be honest and not, you got to be honest with yourself first and realize like what and internalize what's the problem.

[00:34:17] Like, why am I feeling this way?

[00:34:19] And then once you figure that out, then you can be honest with your parent or whatever's making you upset.

[00:34:26] Could be a parent, could be a coach, could be a teammate.

[00:34:28] I don't know.

[00:34:31] But yeah, just finding out what that problem is inside first.

[00:34:34] And I know it's really hard for young girls because I know for a fact it's really hard to regulate emotions and really like figure out what's causing you to be sad or angry or all this stuff, especially as a 12 year old.

[00:34:48] But trying to figure out what that problem is, especially like talking through it.

[00:34:56] And then with like pressure, I mean, I've seen this saying like a little bit over the past few months.

[00:35:05] It's like the world didn't end when I was like a certain age.

[00:35:10] Like the world didn't end when I was 12.

[00:35:12] The world didn't end when I was 17, which is the main one I see a lot.

[00:35:15] But like the world's not going to end if you pitch bad in a game.

[00:35:20] The world's not going to end if you strike out, go 0 for 4.

[00:35:24] The world's not going to end.

[00:35:25] The world keeps on spinning no matter what.

[00:35:27] So pressure, everyone says pressure is a privilege, but also pressure can be an evil as well.

[00:35:34] It can just send you down, down into deep, dark spiral and it's hard to get out of.

[00:35:40] But it also...

[00:35:41] Yeah, especially if that pressure is coming from your dad, who you look up to and you idolize.

[00:35:46] Right?

[00:35:47] Right.

[00:35:47] Yeah.

[00:35:47] And he's, you're looking up to him and he's looking back at you in a negative way.

[00:35:53] And you're like, how does that make you feel?

[00:35:56] So how do you express that to your dad?

[00:35:58] You did a good job.

[00:36:00] And then that's part of the reason for this episode is that you spoke up.

[00:36:03] It probably took a while for you to gather that courage to speak up because it wasn't the first time that you felt that way.

[00:36:10] It was multiple sessions where you felt that way and there was a breaking point where maybe I threw it back a little bit harder than I should have.

[00:36:18] And you're just like, okay, this, I can't do this anymore.

[00:36:21] So you spoke up, which is awesome.

[00:36:22] And hopefully I responded the right way.

[00:36:26] I mean, as long as...

[00:36:30] Because I think at certain points I didn't, like I said, I didn't know what was making me feel that way.

[00:36:36] So like sitting down with my mom and trying to talk it out and like her asking me questions, I think helped because honestly, as a 12 year old, I was just trying to figure out what was going on and like what the problem was and like what I was doing wrong.

[00:36:54] Why is he mad at me?

[00:36:55] Why is he mad at me?

[00:36:56] I tried my best.

[00:36:57] And I thought if I tried my best, then things were good.

[00:37:00] I'm not doing it on purpose.

[00:37:02] Yeah.

[00:37:03] I promise.

[00:37:04] I promise.

[00:37:04] Right.

[00:37:06] All right.

[00:37:06] Cool.

[00:37:07] So that's just the kind of the first part of first year 12, right?

[00:37:10] 12 years is a pivotal point for you.

[00:37:14] Every, I think every, there's a lot of pivots, right?

[00:37:18] A lot of interesting stories that we have.

[00:37:21] 12 was fun.

[00:37:23] We're going to get into 14 and then we're going to get into now it's, now it's go time.

[00:37:29] Now it's, it's recruitment time and the pressures that bring that up.

[00:37:32] You talk about pressure.

[00:37:33] The pressures from your dad is probably very minute when it comes to the recruiting process.

[00:37:38] And we're going to get into that.

[00:37:40] Lace, I'm glad you're home.

[00:37:43] I will see you in a couple seconds because you're downstairs in my office.

[00:37:48] I had to go to my room.

[00:37:49] So it was nice and quiet.

[00:37:51] Yeah.

[00:37:52] So now it's time for you and I to go Christmas shopping because I'm a male and I always wait

[00:37:57] till the last minute.

[00:37:57] And yeah.

[00:37:58] What's the date today again?

[00:38:01] Today's 12, 21, 23.

[00:38:03] So we have about four days until Christmas and we're about to go Christmas shopping.

[00:38:09] That's right.

[00:38:11] Anyway.

[00:38:12] All right, everybody.

[00:38:13] We will catch you on the other side.

[00:38:15] I love you, sweetie.

[00:38:16] Love you.

[00:38:17] Bye.