38 | Unlocking The Truth: Parents' Guide To Youth Sports Expectations

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So the reason why we didn't complain is we had a budget.

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00]: We were both teachers, we made a certain amount of money, and the money that we were making

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_00]: we budgeted.

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_00]: We said, okay this is the X amount we're going to dedicate to Lacie's travel.

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_00]: We did that for our son too so it wasn't like our son was not excluded from this

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00]: budget.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Hello and welcome to Catching You, A Dad and Daughters Softball Journey.

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm Rusty, a dad who's been in the dugout and on the sidelines.

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm Lacie, the daughter whose journey through softball has been filled with incredible

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_02]: wins, tough losses and so many lessons both on and off the field.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_01]: For the past 16 years we've navigated the highs and lows of softball together from

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_01]: the local fields to national tournaments and everything in between.

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_02]: From the challenges of recruitment during COVID to the mental and emotional roller

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_02]: coaster that comes with being a student athlete, we will be sharing the perspectives

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_02]: of both the parent and athlete and firsthand experience of the impact of sports on mental

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_02]: health and the importance of support from the sidelines.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And if she never got a scholarship, it's okay.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_00]: It was okay.

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_00]: If she never really got it, if she was to go to J.C. and maybe she just fell out

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: of love with softball and she just didn't want to play anymore, it was okay.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_00]: We budgeted it that amount of money aside for her and her softball because that's

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00]: what she wanted to do.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back everybody to Catching You.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I am your co-host Rusty Ham.

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_01]: My other co-host, my daughter Lacey is settling in to her senior year.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_01]: She's just got back to San Jose State and she is settling in.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_01]: So this is going to be a solo cast.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason why she is not on is that she's actually starting a new

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: adventure.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00]: She's going to start a podcast with some of her friends there at San Jose

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00]: State and she's creating a mental health organization at San Jose State called

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Mind Strong Spartans.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00]: It came off of what she was made new in the last three years, which was

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: called Damn Worth It, which was originated in Oregon State.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And then they just got rid of that organization at San Jose State.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00]: So she is actually creating this new mental health organization at San Jose

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_00]: State for athletes, performing performance, mental health performance,

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: which is really cool.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is something that she wants to do after college or after she gets

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: her master's.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm looking forward to her starting that.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: She's going to have social media.

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_00]: She, I think she's going to do a separate podcast and what we're doing

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: here.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_00]: So she's on her way to doing some great things in the mental health

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: space, right?

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And her and I, we've talked about it before on other episodes.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_00]: It's more for performance mental health.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And we're not, we've talked about it before.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00]: We're not kumbaya where we need to save space and something bothers us.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: We need, we need, we always have to talk about it.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's not her.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: She's not one to say, oh, you always express your feelings or whatever.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But there, there is a time and place where athletes need help.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: She needed help after a freshman year.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: She was struggling as a freshman here.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: So she saw the sports psychologist at the school.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: It's free for her.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: So she started and then she's been using him ever since.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's, it's been very helpful for her.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: She's gotten through some tough times in college, right?

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: She's not, she hasn't always been performing well.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_00]: She's had some great games, but she has also had some nuts, some great

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: games.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And so she'll just go in there and just, and, and just talk.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's super important because she'll tell you too, if you keep all

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00]: that kind of stuff in, it builds up over time and a lot of times it

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_00]: doesn't end well, you get frustrated, you get burned out.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: So she is really utilized as a sports psychologist on campus.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And with this new adventure that she's doing again, it's called

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Mind Strong Spartans.

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to be for any of the athletes that need to, that just

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_00]: need help getting through the situation.

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_00]: She's been through a lot in her career.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: So in softball, we talked about it many times on her, her journey.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: We've talked about on many of the episodes that the ups and

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: downs and everything between we've talked about it.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And so she is going to utilize her experience to help other

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00]: athletes, which is awesome.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: So there's a few things I want to get, there's a get across as far as what

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to talk about in this solo cast.

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's just some of the things that have been in my mind.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Some of the things that I've seen on social media that have come up from

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: friends of mine, Coach Margo, Coach Devon, a few others that Sam

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Bannister, Coach Sam Bannister, a lot of things that they have been

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: posting and you can look them up on TikTok, but a lot of things that

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00]: they've been posting is true.

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: It is definitely something that I've experienced again.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I was a high school basketball coach and softball coach, not all 30 years.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_00]: So 30 years of high school basketball coach, probably eight years of

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: softball, and I've gone through a lot as far as with parents, other

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: coaches, other organizations.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: So I've been there.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been there and I've done that.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Now I just get the chill, right?

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: She's her senior year college and now I can just enjoy her senior year.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And maybe we can think, maybe we continue with this podcast

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00]: and talk about other things.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But, but there's a few things that have been coming up on social media

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00]: and that I wanted to touch upon as far as a father and the

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: expectations as a parent, right?

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00]: It's super important that parents give their kids some space and realize

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: that it is just a game.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But the first thing I wanted to talk about was because getting into

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: travel balls, that was a decision we made really early.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: She was nine years old and a lot of people were like nine years old.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_00]: That is super early.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: It is her travel coach or her all-star coach started a travel team.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: So at the time it was Team Mizuno.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_00]: It was when Mike Stith branched off from Batbusters and created Team Mizuno.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00]: So we joined that organization.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Eventually Mike Stith rejoined with Batbusters and became the sole owner

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: for that, and we then, but at nine years old, we, you know, she pitched

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: well, I guess at nine, you never know.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Some girls will peak early.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I saw that a lot where girls were thrown hard and were intimidating

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00]: to other teams early in you and in 12U, and then they tail off.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: But the one thing you have to as far as travel ball, and if you're

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: going to enter, it depends on, it doesn't matter when you enter.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: If you enter in 10U, if you enter in 12U is the cost involved.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Because you think about it, we basically through her years and I'll, I can

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: give you the numbers, it probably averaged from 10 to $15,000 a year.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And she started at nine years old and then she stopped playing at 18.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's nine years time, whatever number I just gave you.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: We basically threw her travel ball career.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Luckily, and this is not everybody gets as lucky as she did.

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_00]: It happened during COVID, she got recruited by San Jose State.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00]: They gave her a lot of money because the new coach came in.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is all a planet's aligned, right?

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00]: So this is why I'm saying you gotta be careful because all the planets

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00]: aligned for her at the time COVID hit.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_00]: They, San Jose State just, I think they fired the coach and so Tammy

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: came in and they lost a lot of players because a lot of players

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_00]: didn't think that the coach who got fired, they didn't think that was right.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00]: So they, they transferred, they left.

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00]: So that left a lot of money available at San Jose State.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And then Tammy, the new coach had to replace and create

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00]: a basically a new team.

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00]: It was like half the team left.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_00]: So the planets aligned for her, right?

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: She wasn't getting a whole lot of calls.

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, probably maybe two or three teams were interested in Lacey

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: during the COVID time and San Jose State from video and Lacey sending

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00]: them videos and stuff, she was able to get a scholarship.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Luckily she got a scholarship and had most of her college paid for her.

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_00]: But not everybody gets that right.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And not everybody gets the money that she got.

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She got lucky.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: There was money available.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_00]: The coach needed a team that she needed pictures.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00]: So it was there.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_00]: It just fell under a lap during COVID.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00]: So what I'm trying to say is if you're going to commit to travel ball,

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: you can't necessarily complain.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't necessarily complain about the money that's involved.

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_00]: It depends on the organization you're in, right?

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: The organization we were in, you were expected there was an initial fee,

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: your organization fee, and then there was a monthly fee for the workouts.

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Every, I think it was every Wednesday or she went twice a week.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So it was twice a week they were expected to go and do these workouts.

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And this was an hour away for us.

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's two nights a week is an hour away.

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And then if you're a pitcher, you're going to have a hitting coach.

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to have a catcher.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to have a catching coach.

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're a pitcher, you're going to have a pitching coach.

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're a pitcher and hitter, you can have both.

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_00]: So you got to expect to have those fees or expenses.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And she was having pitching lessons at the time.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: She's a pitcher hitter.

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So she was pitching once a week, hitting once a week, four days a week.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00]: We're driving an hour to these lessons.

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_00]: So those are, those are the costs involved in that.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Then you are traveling and the BatBuster organization travel.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: We, we would have friendlies locally, but then you're, you're

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: beating up, you guys are beating up on each other.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_00]: The SoCal teams are beating up on each other.

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00]: So there was a lot of times where we wanted to travel and get out of the

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00]: state to play other, other teams.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I just kept playing the same teams over and over again.

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00]: We went to places like Florida, Colorado, Kansas City.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_00]: So we were traveling all the time.

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_00]: We went to Colorado every year.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And so you got to take consideration how are you going to get there?

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00]: So if you're going to fly and then there's airfare, then there's

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: hotel and then there's food.

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And so you got to take all that in consideration and budget it out.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: So the reason why we didn't complain is we had a budget.

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_00]: We were both teachers.

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_00]: We made a certain amount of money and the money that we were making,

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_00]: we budgeted, we said, okay, this is the X amount we're going to

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: dedicate to Lacey's travel ball.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00]: We did that for our son too.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00]: So there wasn't like our son was not excluded from this budget.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Um, and if she'd never got a scholarship, it's okay.

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It was okay.

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_00]: If she never really got it, if she was to go to JC and maybe she just

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_00]: fell out of love with softball and she just didn't want to play anymore.

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_00]: It was okay.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00]: We budgeted it that amount of money aside for her and her softball

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00]: because that's what she wanted to do.

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_00]: So we were going to support her.

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_00]: If that's for whatever reason during the time she stopped loving

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_00]: the game and didn't want to play anymore, we would have said,

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_00]: okay, and then moved on.

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_00]: So as a parent, my suggestion, if you are entering into travel ball is

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_00]: to set a budget aside, set expectations for your daughter.

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're again going to lessons in this, and Lacey will tell you,

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_00]: you're just going to lessons once a week.

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_00]: You're in travel ball and you're going to lessons once a week.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, don't expect to get any better.

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_00]: You got to do things outside of your lessons, hypothetically where

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_00]: you're going to lessons on Thursday night, Friday, you're doing something

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Saturday, you're probably Saturday and Sunday, you're at your practices.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And then Monday and Tuesday, you're doing something, maybe take a day

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_00]: off from your pitching or catching or you're hitting, but you're doing

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00]: something outside of your lessons all the time, right?

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00]: You are sacrificing a lot.

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Lacey will tell you how much she sacrificed going out with her friends

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_00]: and going on dates and going on, going to dances.

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of the guys, when she was getting into high school, a lot of guys

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00]: didn't ask her out because they knew that she was not available.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00]: She was again, going an hour for lessons, hour for workouts.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And then Saturdays and Sundays were basically gulped up by

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00]: either tournaments or practices.

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_00]: So there's a set, there is sacrifices and you might say,

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00]: maybe that's not worth it.

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not worth it.

[00:13:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't do it.

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't think it's worth the sacrifices and there's a lot of, you

[00:13:24] [SPEAKER_00]: have to sacrifice in life in order to make, to achieve.

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And so she made those sacrifices and luckily it worked out in her

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_00]: favor as far as getting a scholarship.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But not everybody gets the scholarship and that is, it could suck.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not as a parent that would suck.

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to talk about parent expectations later on.

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Let's pivot to, this is another thing on social media that gets me to,

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_00]: and I was part of it.

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason why I took over keeping stats is because parents aren't very,

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_00]: aren't always truthful when it comes to game changer and then a game

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_00]: changer can ruin a lot of relationships within an organization.

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_00]: You might have good intentions when they're, when your team starts.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You guys are all friendly.

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_00]: There's a honeymoon period with parents and you're like, oh, what, what position

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_00]: is your, what does it your kid play?

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, they play center field.

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And, oh, my play the second or whatever.

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_00]: They might play the same position.

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And you guys are like at first it, you have good intentions

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and you there's a honeymoon period, but then the honeymoon war is off.

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your kid plays the same position as somebody else.

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And that hypothetically, let's say shortstop right.

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Your daughter is a shortstop.

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Another parent's daughter plays shortstop and that parent is doing game changer.

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And then, so now that parent is doing game changer.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Your daughter's playing shortstop.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Ball was hit to her maybe in the gap.

[00:15:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Hits her glove instead of calling it a hit.

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_00]: That parent calls in an air.

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_00]: You get upset.

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Words are exchanged.

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_00]: So it game changer there, there's the good, there's the bad

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_00]: and there's the ugly, right?

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_00]: The good is especially for coaches.

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_00]: You can keep the stats.

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00]: You can gauge.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_00]: This person's hitting 400 and has five or six or more.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to put them in the free spot or whatever.

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_00]: So for a coach, it's good to have that because you have that in your

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_00]: back pocket where you can now say the reason why this player is playing

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00]: at this position or in this batting slot is because of this.

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And then here's the reasons why.

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_00]: But it could get ugly if you don't have the right person doing it.

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_00]: So the reason I took over game changer on the travel team and in high school

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_00]: was because I want to make sure now my daughter is a pitcher, right?

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And so you can say, okay, a ball hit in the gap.

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It hits the shortstop glove.

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Do I call it an error or do I call it a hit if my daughter's pitching?

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[00:16:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Integrity wise, I did the right thing, right?

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I did not change things to favor my daughter.

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Her stats were her stats because it's you got to be truthful.

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_00]: So if you are a parent that's doing game changer, you gotta be, it's

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_00]: gotta be done with integrity.

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_00]: You're not making an error on another girl because maybe you don't like

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_00]: that player because they play the same position or you don't like the

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_00]: parents because maybe you got an argument in the last week.

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Game changer, again, that's the bad part.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And then the ugly is just arguing over errors, arguing over ERA,

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_00]: arguing over padding average.

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_00]: If you mark it an error and not a hit, that's going to drop their

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_00]: batting average a few points.

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And now it's, oh, I, I'm going to show these, I got to show

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_00]: these stats to these colleges.

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm letting you know now if you are one of those people

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_00]: in the stats, colleges don't care about your game changer stats.

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_00]: 100%.

[00:17:16] [SPEAKER_00]: They do not care about your game changer stats.

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Game changer stats should only be, in my opinion, for the coach.

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_00]: That's it.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Parents, you can do your own stats aside and you can bring it to your kid

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_00]: at the kitchen table and say, Hey, this is your batting average.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But in my opinion, what I do like about game changer and athletes go

[00:17:41] [SPEAKER_00]: a lot, there's a couple of them out there.

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_00]: What I do is the video portion of it where you can film it.

[00:17:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And so if you're not like my mom, she's not mobile.

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_00]: She's not doing well, but she is, she was able to watch my daughter

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_00]: play through game changer and watch her stats.

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's the good part about game changer.

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_00]: The bad part again, is the ones that aren't doing it correctly

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_00]: for whatever reason, and maybe they don't know what an error is.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe they don't know what a, they call it a triple when it was actually

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_00]: a single with a two base area.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe they don't know what that means and sack fly or a lot of the,

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_00]: there's a lot of terminology that parents don't know when

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_00]: they're doing game changers.

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_00]: So they're just, they call it a hit when it was so whatever,

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_00]: they just don't know the lingo.

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00]: You just need to get the right person.

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And that is non-judgmental that is just going to keep stats.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And do it the right way.

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Speaking, and then let's transition to parent involvement, parent

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_00]: involvement, meaning again, I've been doing this for 30 years.

[00:18:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Parent involvement, meaning you are just way too aggressive,

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00]: so to speak every play.

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's take a quick break.

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to leave us a message, use the link in the show notes.

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you want us to respond, leave your name and email address.

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Also please rate us and or leave a review as we're trying

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_00]: to grow the show every day.

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Finally, Lacey and I both love coffee.

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_00]: We would greatly appreciate any contribution to the show.

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_00]: That link is also in the show notes.

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Take care.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Every hit is just, is so much drama.

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I guess it would be called the drama of the queens and kings that you are

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_00]: right up against the fence.

[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_00]: You're commenting on balls of strikes.

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_00]: You're commenting when your daughter gets up to bat and you're

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_00]: commenting on every bat, every bat.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_00]: You're telling her how to swing and don't swing.

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Watch for that.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Watch for the rise ball.

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_00]: You're telling her what to watch for.

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And you're just every aspect of what your daughter is doing.

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: You are commenting or you're just involved where they're 10, they're 12.

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_00]: They're, they're especially a preteen.

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Just let them play as a parent.

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Just watch.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's tough sometimes when your child is, is struggling

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00]: maybe at the play or on the mound.

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And I listen, I'm not perfect.

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I've said it in many episodes.

[00:20:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I put so much pressure on my daughter because of the organization she was in.

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt like she needed to perform in order to get on those elite teams,

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Mark Campbell more specifically, the 14U and then Mike Stith 18.

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I was putting so much pressure on her when she was 12.

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_00]: She's not even, and I was just saying, Hey, you know, you, and I

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_00]: was not behaving very well as a parent.

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I was, I would ignore her when she had a bad pitching session.

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I would, when she was like, why is my dad ignoring me?

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was putting so much pressure on her to perform.

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Granted, I've never pitched in my life.

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I played baseball until I was like eighth grade.

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I know the game because I coached it and I played it a little bit, but

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm putting so much pressure on her for what?

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Because it was going to look bad on me if she didn't

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_00]: perform very well, right?

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Through these episodes, I've learned that if she performed bad, it was

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_00]: going to look bad on me, which is a horrible way to think of it.

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, you're not your parents' performance or your daughter's

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00]: performance is not a reflection of who you are.

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_00]: You gotta let them go.

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Let that, you got to cut the bill record at some point and let them

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_00]: experience what they're experiencing and let them come to you if

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_00]: they're having, if they're struggling or you just ask them how

[00:22:00] [SPEAKER_00]: they're feeling about saying, again, this is not Kobayashi.

[00:22:02] [SPEAKER_00]: We're not going to, we're not going to sit in a circle and say,

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_00]: oh, how are you feeling today?

[00:22:07] [SPEAKER_00]: How do you feel about your at bats?

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not promoting that.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm promoting just chill as a parent.

[00:22:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm promoting, I'm saying just chill and let your kids.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_00]: My daughter started thriving when I backed off, when she came to me in

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_00]: the kitchen and started crying and saying, dad, you're not acting

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_00]: the way a parent should act that she didn't say that 12 years old, but in

[00:22:31] [SPEAKER_00]: so many words, she was just saying, are you going to stop?

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I stopped.

[00:22:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I started being more positive during her pitching sessions.

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Even if it was a bad one, I would try to pick out the good parts.

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And then afterwards I would say, you know, how did

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_00]: you feel about that session?

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And then she would tell me.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't feel like, and then I would say, and then I would critique her.

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Your changeup was too high or your curve ball wasn't spinning enough.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And so we had really good conversations after that.

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_00]: But it took her to come to me and hopefully if you're one of the,

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_00]: if you're a softball player now, don't be afraid to approach your parents.

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't, cause you never, you never know.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_00]: They could, they could flip it around and say, you know what?

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_00]: You're right.

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I need to back off.

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00]: The parents seriously just need to back off.

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_00]: You're putting a lot of pressure on this is going to lead to my last point.

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And then we're going to head off here and that would just be

[00:23:23] [SPEAKER_00]: realistic about your kid, right?

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_00]: My daughter was on these elite teams.

[00:23:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_00]: She struggled later on when she was 16, 17 years old after her injury,

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_00]: but she peaked right 12U.

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_00]: She was one that she was considered and they did just those extra

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_00]: innings rankings or flow softball rankings.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And as a pitcher, she was ranked I think top 25 when she was 12 years old.

[00:23:49] [SPEAKER_00]: She's ranked up there.

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And then as a parent, I was super, I was pounding my chest.

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, look at my daughter.

[00:23:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was posting it on Facebook and all that kind of stuff.

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_00]: But rankings seriously doesn't really amount to anything.

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She peaked to be honest with you.

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_00]: She peaked at 12, 13 years old.

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_00]: She was throwing high fifties at 13, 14 years old.

[00:24:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And right now she's still, she's low sixties, probably six to six three.

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_00]: So she peaked.

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And so when she got on the Mike Stith team, and if you're

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00]: playing for Mike Stith in the 18U, you probably need to be in the mid sixties.

[00:24:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And she was not, she was playing for Mike for a season and the fall

[00:24:28] [SPEAKER_00]: season, her junior year, she's probably again, upper fifties.

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And she's pitching against these elite players that are going to be going

[00:24:37] [SPEAKER_00]: to these power five schools.

[00:24:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And so she didn't do very well.

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_00]: So we went back to 16s in the spring, and then she played for 18s on

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_00]: the count. We call it the B team for bat busters and she did well.

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_00]: So you got to be realistic at where if you feel at some point during the

[00:24:56] [SPEAKER_00]: travel ball that, you know, and don't be afraid to jump ship and go to

[00:25:03] [SPEAKER_00]: another, like we were committed to bat busters and we were loyal and

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_00]: loyal loyalty.

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_00]: And when you get girls, you go so far.

[00:25:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we were too loyal.

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_00]: We started it when she was nine years old and we felt, okay, if we're

[00:25:16] [SPEAKER_00]: going to be loyal and then she's played for Mark, she's played for Mike

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Stith, she's easily going to get a scholarship.

[00:25:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not the case.

[00:25:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Loyalty can only take you so far.

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Luckily we were able to move teams and start and get teams that

[00:25:34] [SPEAKER_00]: actually recruited for her and was an advocate for her.

[00:25:38] [SPEAKER_00]: So don't be afraid to switch teams where you feel like the team is

[00:25:42] [SPEAKER_00]: going to be an advocate and that they really true out, they truly have

[00:25:47] [SPEAKER_00]: their best interests at heart and not, it's not about the W's right.

[00:25:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Or that their team is only looking for power five players.

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_00]: So don't be afraid to move teams.

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_00]: If you feel like we had a gut feeling, but we didn't trust our gut.

[00:26:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And we just cowered through it and it really affected her fall year,

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_00]: her junior year.

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And then that's when COVID hit.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So it actually, if you look at it, it actually was a benefit because

[00:26:14] [SPEAKER_00]: she, because in San Jose State fired the coach and just, like I said,

[00:26:18] [SPEAKER_00]: all those stars aligned right after that.

[00:26:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And then again, at the top of being realistic is the pressure part.

[00:26:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:26:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Cause if you feel like, if your daughter, and this goes for

[00:26:34] [SPEAKER_00]: son, if you have players playing baseball or basketball, if they're not like.

[00:26:40] [SPEAKER_00]: At that elite level, be realistic and don't pressure them.

[00:26:45] [SPEAKER_00]: You just, Hey, you got to do this because you're, you're going

[00:26:48] [SPEAKER_00]: to get a team one scholarship.

[00:26:49] [SPEAKER_00]: There's so many different ways to play at the next level

[00:26:52] [SPEAKER_00]: that you gotta be realistic.

[00:26:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And the last thing I'm going to leave you with is because you're

[00:26:59] [SPEAKER_00]: realistic that you're not, and you're not putting that pressure on your daughter.

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to have a better relationship.

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_00]: It's at the end of the day, it's about your relationship

[00:27:09] [SPEAKER_00]: with your son or your daughter.

[00:27:12] [SPEAKER_00]: It's cause softball doesn't last forever.

[00:27:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Like for example, my, my daughter is, this is her senior year.

[00:27:17] [SPEAKER_00]: She will never play in organized softball.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00]: She's not going pro.

[00:27:21] [SPEAKER_00]: She's not, she's not going to play overseas.

[00:27:23] [SPEAKER_00]: She's not doing any of that stuff.

[00:27:24] [SPEAKER_00]: She's gonna hopefully be a grad assistant and then get a job

[00:27:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and move on with her life.

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And then that's going to be it.

[00:27:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And then our relationship, because obviously we're having this podcast

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_00]: together, our relationship is at an all time high because we communicate

[00:27:39] [SPEAKER_00]: with each other, we, I respect her.

[00:27:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And it all went back to that one day that she was at the kitchen counter

[00:27:46] [SPEAKER_00]: crying, you should not, your daughter should not be crying based on what

[00:27:55] [SPEAKER_00]: your father or your mother is doing is putting pressure on you.

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Let them play, let them figure it out on their own.

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Now you're going to, obviously you're going to push them and you're

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_00]: gonna, you're going to poke and prod and you're going to say, okay,

[00:28:08] [SPEAKER_00]: you need to do this.

[00:28:09] [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to give them suggestions, but lay off the pressure.

[00:28:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:28:14] [SPEAKER_00]: If they don't want to play, find something else for them to do.

[00:28:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't force them to continue to play if they don't want to.

[00:28:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Cause if you force them, then they're going to have resentment

[00:28:24] [SPEAKER_00]: towards you and then your relationship might be scarred

[00:28:27] [SPEAKER_00]: for the rest of your life.

[00:28:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And she's going to resent you because you made her play softball.

[00:28:32] [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, she didn't want to play softball anymore.

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And I've seen that hundreds of times, but again, I've been coaching for 30

[00:28:37] [SPEAKER_00]: years, I've seen it hundreds of times that there's a resentment of the son

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_00]: or daughter towards their parents because of the pressure that they put on them.

[00:28:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Be again, be realistic and just understand where they're coming from.

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Listen to them, right?

[00:28:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't talk at them.

[00:28:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Talk with them.

[00:28:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And just have, and again, at the end of the day, it's about having your,

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_00]: it's your relationship with your kids is the most important because

[00:29:06] [SPEAKER_00]: it's not going to last forever.

[00:29:07] [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to be 21, 22, and they're going to be done with

[00:29:10] [SPEAKER_00]: softball and what are you going to do for the rest of your life?

[00:29:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[00:29:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to, you're going to focus on the past and how they

[00:29:17] [SPEAKER_00]: disappointed you during a certain tournament, or you're going to try

[00:29:21] [SPEAKER_00]: and have a good relationship with them and maybe they get married

[00:29:25] [SPEAKER_00]: and they have the kids and you want them to come over to your house.

[00:29:28] [SPEAKER_00]: It's just the relationship part is the most important part.

[00:29:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I ended on.

[00:29:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you enjoyed this and Lacey and I will be back.

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to start, I'm going to start, I think I'm going to start

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_00]: interviewing other fathers and getting their perspective and Lacey wants

[00:29:44] [SPEAKER_00]: to interview fellow players and get their perspectives.

[00:29:47] [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to have kind of a back and forth.

[00:29:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Now that she's in her senior year, we've gone through a whole

[00:29:51] [SPEAKER_00]: travel walls experience and now we're going to talk a little bit

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_00]: on her college and start interviewing parents and players and get their perspective.

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So hope you enjoyed this and I'll catch you guys on the other side.

[00:30:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Lacey, you're listening.

[00:30:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I love you.