23 | Paige Tonz: Girl Athlete Confidence Coach

[00:00:00] And it was actually hindering my ability to just go out there and play and do what I knew how to do.

[00:00:09] So I finally let go of the whole batting average, statistic stuff and was like,

[00:00:15] just go out there and hit and play.

[00:00:17] It's really awesome. Keeping it so simple.

[00:00:19] See the ball hit the ball. It's not hard.

[00:00:22] I think it's easy. And that was a shift in thinking too.

[00:00:26] Instead of being like, oh, hitting is so hard.

[00:00:30] I feel like everyone's hitting the hardest thing in softball and baseball, which it is.

[00:00:35] It's actually proven that it's one of the harder things in sports.

[00:00:39] But if I keep telling myself it's hard, that's what I'm going to bow and what I'm going to believe.

[00:00:45] So instead I was like, no, hitting is easy.

[00:00:48] Hello and welcome to Catching You, a dad and daughter softball journey.

[00:00:52] I'm Rusty, a dad who's been in the dugout and on the sidelines.

[00:00:56] And I'm Lacie, the daughter whose journey through softball has been filled with incredible wins, tough losses,

[00:01:01] and so many lessons both on and off the field.

[00:01:04] For the past 16 years we've navigated the highs and lows of softball together,

[00:01:08] from the local fields to national tournaments and everything in between.

[00:01:12] From the challenges of recruitment during COVID to the mental and emotional roller coaster that comes with being a student athlete,

[00:01:18] we'll be sharing the perspectives of both the parent and athlete

[00:01:21] and firsthand experience of the impact of sports on mental health

[00:01:25] and the importance of support from the sidelines.

[00:01:29] Welcome back everyone. This is Rusty Ham, your co-host of Catching You with me is my co-host Lacie Ham.

[00:01:38] Lacie say hi.

[00:01:39] Hello.

[00:01:40] And we have a special guest with us.

[00:01:42] Her name is Paige Tauns. Am I saying that right?

[00:01:45] I got to make sure I'm sure.

[00:01:46] Yeah, you got it right for a second.

[00:01:48] Paige, I think it was on Facebook, maybe it was on, I don't know how we connected.

[00:01:55] Yeah, I'm sure either now that I'm thinking.

[00:01:57] I saw what you do as a father daughter podcast.

[00:02:02] We deal with a lot of mental health issues and stuff like that.

[00:02:06] So what you do sparked some interest in us.

[00:02:09] And so we just wanted to get you on and learn a little bit more about you.

[00:02:13] So just tell us about yourself, your athletic career and then how you got into what you're doing now.

[00:02:19] Yeah, definitely.

[00:02:20] I would say a collegiate athlete went to sports before that and then got into college and played.

[00:02:26] That was my big goal and dream growing up was to be able to go and play on that bigger stage.

[00:02:32] And I was able to do that.

[00:02:34] I feel super lucky and blessed to have been able to have that experience.

[00:02:38] So I went and played at a softball at Northwestern University.

[00:02:42] I had a really great experience there.

[00:02:45] It also came with lots of highs and lots of lows.

[00:02:48] And it's funny like when I think back about my college experience,

[00:02:52] I'm like, sometimes man, did I even have to like go through all that stuff?

[00:02:57] And it was frustrating at the time, but it all led me to where what I get to do today and where I'm at today.

[00:03:05] And without those experiences, I don't think I would be as passionate as I am about what I get to do with the world.

[00:03:11] So they work with and just like in life in general as well.

[00:03:14] But yeah, so I really struggled with my own confidence as an athlete and more like,

[00:03:20] I probably would have never said, oh, I'm not like a confident person or I'm not confident out on the field.

[00:03:29] It was like in those pressure moments or in my head that's or especially after striking out or like being in those slumps and things like that.

[00:03:38] Just going in there and like really truly believing in myself.

[00:03:42] I remember being like, I don't really feel.

[00:03:44] I don't really feel that confident.

[00:03:47] Like I had a lot of self doubt and negative talk going through my mind.

[00:03:51] I was super hard on myself too, which I think most of the girls that I end up working with or talking to that go through this experience feel the same exact way.

[00:04:00] So we must all feel this at some point in shape or form.

[00:04:06] But yeah, so I went through that college experience, graduated college, went into the real world.

[00:04:14] That was a whole nother mental obstacle as well, trying to figure out like what am I going to do for the rest of my life?

[00:04:22] And it took me three years, but I got into some real estate stuff which led me to the entrepreneurial world.

[00:04:33] And I got to experience some of that and with that entrepreneurship world comes with a lot of self development and just a lot of mindset work.

[00:04:42] And I just had this like light bulb at some point.

[00:04:46] I need to be like teaching the girls, like girls at a younger age, what I figured out in my senior year of college, which I had like a mind session.

[00:04:57] I basically let go of all of the control that I was trying to hold on to for so long and all this stuff development work.

[00:05:05] And I was like, why aren't we learning this stuff earlier?

[00:05:09] Why are we getting into this earlier and learning how to create confidence and be confident earlier?

[00:05:16] So I started working with girls on the mental side of the game.

[00:05:20] It's funny, I actually remember.

[00:05:22] So nobody is going to like want to work with me just as a mental coach.

[00:05:27] Like that way.

[00:05:28] It wasn't really a thing.

[00:05:29] It wasn't a big thing for sure.

[00:05:31] Yeah, it's like imposter syndrome, right?

[00:05:32] You have the imposter.

[00:05:33] No, it's going to want to miss.

[00:05:35] I just want to do the mindset stuff.

[00:05:37] So I was like, I remember advertising or like marketing is like, hey, I'm doing like hitting lessons or catching lessons I was doing as well.

[00:05:44] And we're also going to it's hitting and 20 minutes of mindset work.

[00:05:50] It actually was so funny because I remember parents reaching out and being like, oh, we don't really need the hitting lesson.

[00:05:58] I just want to do the mindset stuff.

[00:05:59] And I was like, oh, exactly what I wanted.

[00:06:02] I didn't know why I was thinking, oh, they won't want it.

[00:06:05] But so that just kept happening and kept happening.

[00:06:09] And then I was able to start doing this full time and getting to work with girls full time on their mindset and helping them build confidence and create confidence.

[00:06:19] And just like really be the best versions of themselves as an athlete, but also we have a lot more life than other than being an athlete.

[00:06:28] So yeah, so that's where how I got to where I'm at today.

[00:06:32] Yeah, very close.

[00:06:33] So it's called girl athlete conference coach, right?

[00:06:36] Yeah.

[00:06:37] And then what they have a specific age group or is this anyone that wants to sign up middle school, high school, college?

[00:06:45] Definitely.

[00:06:46] I have a kind of a wide range of girls.

[00:06:49] So I have girls anywhere between 10 years old to 18.

[00:06:53] And then I also had a few college girls sprinkled in there like I'm actually working with a couple of college girls currently who I had before going into college.

[00:07:02] And they just kept working together through that transition as well, which has been really neat.

[00:07:07] I really love working with the college age girls because we have really great conversation and depth conversation.

[00:07:14] But yeah, I have a very wide range 10 to 18.

[00:07:18] And it's really especially the younger girls just depend on how competitive they are, like where they're at maturity wise.

[00:07:28] And then you get into those three teen years and it's all the emotions, all the things happening and changing for us.

[00:07:37] And so just getting to help and support the girls through that all the things that are happening in life that a girl goes through is I love it.

[00:07:46] Like some people are like, I can't believe you work with girls.

[00:07:48] I can't believe you work with like teenagers and preteens.

[00:07:51] Like you're crazy.

[00:07:52] But I think it's so much fun.

[00:07:54] And I love getting to do what I do because I've been there.

[00:07:59] Like I can relate to them.

[00:08:00] And that's my favorite thing is just being able to relate to the girls and not being like, oh yeah, I'm way above this or we've been there.

[00:08:08] Been there.

[00:08:09] It doesn't seem that long ago, but it's working further.

[00:08:13] I've talked about how important that like middle school, like going into high school age is for like young athletes.

[00:08:21] What do you notice most about them?

[00:08:24] Like when it comes to the mental side, the negative things and the positive things definitely more in that age group.

[00:08:31] Definitely.

[00:08:32] So the things that I see the most that they struggle with on like mentally or like confidence wise is comparing themselves to other their teammates or the other girls.

[00:08:44] Or like really caring, like they just like care so much about what their teammates or their friends think about them.

[00:08:52] So they're like so afraid to make mistakes or look silly or look dumb doing something.

[00:08:59] So then they don't and they hold back from their full potential.

[00:09:03] They play with being hesitant and that kind of thing.

[00:09:07] So that's what the bigger things that I see is just like that fear of looking silly.

[00:09:13] Really?

[00:09:14] Really.

[00:09:15] So that's one of the things that I see the most with that middle school going into high school.

[00:09:21] And then I feel like their confidence starts to build a little bit more once they get into the high school, especially as they get a little bit older as well too.

[00:09:29] But there's still some insecurity, I think.

[00:09:33] And you don't do this to softball, right? You do multiple sports, right?

[00:09:36] Anybody who is an athlete, you just work with them, right?

[00:09:39] Yes.

[00:09:40] Yeah.

[00:09:41] I started out with all athletes.

[00:09:43] I started out just softball, but I kept having families come to me with different sports and different kinds of athletes.

[00:09:50] And I was like, I feel like we go through this.

[00:09:53] Different kinds of sports and stuff.

[00:09:55] So I opened it up to all different athletes.

[00:09:57] So I've been able to work with basketball players, volleyball players, softball.

[00:10:02] I've even had quite a few gymnasts, which I think is like the most mentally difficult sport there possible.

[00:10:10] I've had some swimmers.

[00:10:12] So we've had a lot of different sports and variations in sports.

[00:10:19] All right. Let me ask you this.

[00:10:21] And so as someone comes to you, what does it look like?

[00:10:25] So someone signs up, what are they going to get from Paige?

[00:10:29] Or is it like a module?

[00:10:33] Yeah.

[00:10:34] A big little pride.

[00:10:36] What does it look like when someone comes to you?

[00:10:38] What's this process look like?

[00:10:40] I definitely have a lot of resources at this point.

[00:10:43] And that was one of my big goals is I wanted to be able to provide some free resources to families.

[00:10:49] Definitely like lower costs.

[00:10:51] Do it yourself stuff, like being able to go in and do some trainings and things on their own.

[00:10:57] I actually just came out with a new one called failure recovery training.

[00:11:01] I wanted to be able to put those in the families and also just to get to know me a little bit better before investing in mentorship or one-on-one work, that kind of thing.

[00:11:11] So those are all really great first steps.

[00:11:14] But a lot of times I have moms or dads that reach out to me and they're like, oh my gosh, we're struggling.

[00:11:22] It's usually when stuff is hitting the fan and they don't know what else to do.

[00:11:27] And they'll reach out and usually starts with a phone call.

[00:11:32] We hop on a call and just get to know one another.

[00:11:35] I get to know their daughter a little bit better and just find out what's happening and just see if it's a good fit.

[00:11:40] Because I definitely wanted to be a win for all of us.

[00:11:44] And then almost all of the families that come to me and all the girls that are struggling with this mental side of this, the game and competing and things like that,

[00:11:56] end up starting in my program called The Confident Athlete.

[00:11:59] It's like a hybrid.

[00:12:01] It's a lot of private mentorship, but there's also group mentorship pieces in there as well over the years.

[00:12:09] I figured out what works really well, how I can go really deep with the girls,

[00:12:15] but also have them be a part of a group of girls who are also very similar to them.

[00:12:22] Like my program, it's three months of work and it's really just like building the fundamental,

[00:12:28] the foundation of mental training skills.

[00:12:31] It's understanding like their own, like who they are and what makes them tick and understanding how they could be confident.

[00:12:39] And then we're talking about like the actual skills, like breathing and visualization and lots of thought work.

[00:12:45] And then we put them into action.

[00:12:47] Like how do we use different routines, like a pre-hitting routine or a pre-game routine to mentally prepare and feel as confident as you can

[00:12:55] going into whatever it is that you're doing, even if it's like a presentation in school.

[00:13:01] So I always got nervous like presenting in front of all my peers and that kind of thing.

[00:13:07] But really just going and putting those tools into action and into place and practicing that confidence.

[00:13:15] So that's the process.

[00:13:17] A lot of that is one-on-one sessions with me.

[00:13:20] And then I have a group of girls called my girl gang.

[00:13:24] We basically twice a month, we get together and we tonight would be meeting.

[00:13:30] And it's like a group mindset lesson.

[00:13:32] It's additional to what they're learning in the confident athlete.

[00:13:36] But I have different topics and things that go beyond what we're just talking about in the confident athlete.

[00:13:42] Just like if you were to go to like group hitting lessons or any lesson or any like care per clinic.

[00:13:49] It's like for mindset lessons.

[00:13:52] Like it's stuff to work on your mindset, to space where they can actually work through what's going on like mentally and mindfully.

[00:14:01] But yeah, that's for confident athletes.

[00:14:03] So I have a lot of that's always like where we start.

[00:14:06] It builds that foundation.

[00:14:07] It builds fundamentals.

[00:14:08] And then after that, we can always talk about working with me more consistently.

[00:14:13] I've had some of the girls I've had like for three or four years.

[00:14:17] And then sometimes they go through the program and they're like, yeah, I feel good.

[00:14:21] I've got some tools.

[00:14:22] I can do this on my own, which I totally want them to be able to do that.

[00:14:28] But if they want to have a space and make this a part of their consistent routine, I think that's an option as well.

[00:14:35] Cool.

[00:14:36] I wanted to go back to your original story about being in college and going through all these ups and downs.

[00:14:43] And then you said that senior year, you had a mindset shift.

[00:14:47] What was that?

[00:14:49] How did that entail or what was that mindset shift for you?

[00:14:53] Yeah, definitely.

[00:14:54] I don't even know how I skipped over that because usually I share that.

[00:14:57] I was like, oh, yes, I didn't know.

[00:14:59] I don't know.

[00:15:00] It's like one through going so fast talking so fast.

[00:15:03] When I got to Northwestern, I in my freshman year, I earned the starting position as a catcher.

[00:15:10] It was awesome and great.

[00:15:12] And I was excited, but I also wasn't hitting well in my freshman sophomore and junior year.

[00:15:21] So we're like, now we're going to your three.

[00:15:24] And I was just really struggling with the hitting side of things.

[00:15:28] I was still the starting catcher, but either sometimes I was in the heading lineup, sometimes I wasn't.

[00:15:35] If I was, I remember going up for that first step at.

[00:15:39] And I just remember thinking like, if I don't get a hit and I'm going to get pulled.

[00:15:43] And then that's what would happen because that's what I was thinking about.

[00:15:48] So it was just like this vicious cycle.

[00:15:50] It was like a giant slump of three years really to be honest.

[00:15:53] And I was hitting like a whopping like 130.

[00:15:56] It was not fun.

[00:15:58] And I was so frustrated with myself.

[00:16:00] And I remember getting to my senior year and just thinking, oh, this is like last year to play at this level.

[00:16:08] Things that I would tell the girls that have made it to their college experience.

[00:16:12] Have fun.

[00:16:13] You've got there.

[00:16:14] Just do it.

[00:16:15] But I got to my senior year and that's really what I was thinking.

[00:16:18] It was like, man, I put in so much time and energy.

[00:16:21] I'm really tired of being frustrated with myself and upset and crying when I get back home and things like that.

[00:16:27] So I was like, my last year, I don't even, I wasn't expecting to play after college.

[00:16:33] I didn't, but I wish I did.

[00:16:35] But that's a whole other story.

[00:16:37] And I just remember having these new commitments to myself.

[00:16:41] Like, I was just going to go out there and have fun with my teammates and make this last year as much fun as I possibly could.

[00:16:48] The second thing was, okay, I'm just going to do my best even though I was already doing, but it was like,

[00:16:54] and then, but it was the third thing that I remember thinking.

[00:16:58] And I looked back at it and like, I remember telling myself, okay, whatever happens this year.

[00:17:04] And it sounds weird, I don't really care if I still cared, but it was this shift in mindset that I had.

[00:17:10] It was like, it was like this weight lifted off.

[00:17:13] I was going to do my best.

[00:17:14] I was going to go out and have fun and whatever happened.

[00:17:16] Well, I was like, finally releasing control.

[00:17:20] So I went in with that kind of different mindset, just thinking differently about myself,

[00:17:25] thinking differently about success and failure and all of that.

[00:17:29] And my senior year, I hit way better.

[00:17:33] So much better.

[00:17:34] I doubled my batting average.

[00:17:37] I tripled the amount of it.

[00:17:39] We're getting to the end of my senior year and being like, oh, dang, we should have been thinking like that this whole time.

[00:17:47] That was annoying, but I'm like, I'm glad it happened.

[00:17:50] And I'm like ending on a really high note, but I'm like, I feel like I'm just getting started.

[00:17:56] Like, I feel like I peaked.

[00:17:59] Like I just finally peaked and I could keep going, but it came to an end then.

[00:18:04] And that's why three years later, I figured out like, oh my gosh, I need to show these girls like this can happen for you so much earlier.

[00:18:14] Right?

[00:18:15] If you start thinking differently, if you learn how to shift your thoughts and control your thoughts and know that your thoughts are so important.

[00:18:24] Like what I was thinking about myself and how my approach and all of that.

[00:18:28] Like I was definitely like what they always, we see it all the time.

[00:18:32] I was definitely my own worst enemy and I had to just get out of my own way.

[00:18:37] So I didn't know it was happening my senior year, but I remember looking back.

[00:18:43] That was really different than like why and how.

[00:18:46] And so I just used that experience to be able to help these other girls.

[00:18:51] And you're my college experience.

[00:18:54] I did see a sports psychologist, the sports psychologist that was available.

[00:18:58] I did not see him nearly enough.

[00:19:02] I only went when I felt like everything was crap.

[00:19:09] Like, and I was like struggling even though I was struggling a lot.

[00:19:15] But I remember only going like a handful of times.

[00:19:18] I didn't, like I should have been more like every week.

[00:19:20] Like I should have been going and using that resource consistently to work on my mindset now that I know what I know now.

[00:19:29] And we also had, we had a volunteer coach or someone came in and did some volunteer work with us when it came to the mental size.

[00:19:37] She actually played at Northwestern was a pitcher and that was helpful.

[00:19:41] It was like getting little bits and pieces, but I definitely wasn't working on my thoughts and my mindset consistently.

[00:19:49] It was like a, oh, once I fixed my swing or once I worked my butt off and nothing was changing.

[00:19:57] Not to say that didn't help, but it was that I really truly believe it was that mindset shift and that mental part that made the like those things together is what made the difference.

[00:20:11] I appreciate you using the she said thoughts because there was a quote I got from a thing also in your Facebook page.

[00:20:18] You can't control the first thought, but you have the power to control the next thoughts and those are the ones that matter.

[00:20:26] Is that kind of where it came from?

[00:20:28] Is that kind of yeah, I initially thought, oh yeah, we can control or all our thoughts.

[00:20:34] But later actually in this last couple of years, I continued to read and learn and do trainings and stuff.

[00:20:41] And something that one of these trainings taught me was that we all have this inner judge, this voice inside our mind, which is like a relief.

[00:20:52] Like, oh, it's not actually in the air.

[00:20:54] It's this voice that happens inside our brain.

[00:20:56] It's like the way our brain works.

[00:20:58] Like when something bad happens or negative happens or we fail, like we're going to have negative thoughts.

[00:21:05] And I think it's just like accepting that and knowing those things are going to come up.

[00:21:09] Those things are going to happen when I work with girls.

[00:21:11] I'm like, I'm not going to make your negative thoughts disappear.

[00:21:14] They're not going anywhere.

[00:21:17] Like it would be weird if you like made a mistake and you were just like, well, like everything's great all the time.

[00:21:24] That would be totally weird.

[00:21:25] So like the negative thoughts are normal.

[00:21:28] But it's just that voice inside your mind that's, well, this doesn't feel good.

[00:21:34] This sucks or whatever.

[00:21:35] But it's not allowing that, not allowing those thoughts to control the remainder of the day or the remainder of the game or that that's okay.

[00:21:46] I hear you.

[00:21:47] I see you.

[00:21:48] I feel you.

[00:21:50] But that's not my truth.

[00:21:52] And it's then shifting.

[00:21:54] What do you want to think about?

[00:21:56] What do you want to believe rather than letting those thoughts take control, those negative thoughts take control?

[00:22:02] And there's just this practice and it's just like being able to shift those things in those hard moments.

[00:22:09] It's just challenging.

[00:22:10] It's definitely not an easy thing to do, especially when it means a lot to you.

[00:22:16] That's a transition.

[00:22:18] I think, were you going to ask something?

[00:22:20] No, I just can relate to that.

[00:22:23] Also, I started going to our sports psychologist here.

[00:22:32] I think my end of freshman beginning of sophomore year and there was definitely a significant shift my sophomore year.

[00:22:41] I think I thrive off competition, but I definitely cared.

[00:22:47] But I think I cared a little too much to the point where I was so upset when we would lose and I would have all these negative thoughts and blame myself for a lot of things and just reflect on one game for the next three days and see how like how could I change this?

[00:23:04] How could I do that?

[00:23:05] In the end, it's like the game happened and now you have another series this weekend to look forward to.

[00:23:13] Yeah, definitely a shift.

[00:23:15] This year has definitely been a lot better in mindset, I feel, but the performance isn't adding up.

[00:23:23] So that's where I'm struggling.

[00:23:25] So I'm going into my senior year.

[00:23:27] So that's why I asked about your mindset shift going into your senior year.

[00:23:32] I had been reflecting on how it is my last year playing softball and it's daunting a little bit, but I don't want to be daunting.

[00:23:42] I want it to be fun and carefree.

[00:23:45] Yeah, totally.

[00:23:46] I know I look back at that my senior year is like, well, that really could have gone two different ways.

[00:23:51] It could have been like, oh, this is my last year and put even more pressure on myself or it was like luckily I chose somehow was on purpose.

[00:24:04] I feel like I just got lucky to be honest.

[00:24:07] I was like, okay, whatever happens, I'm just going to go out and do my best and let go.

[00:24:13] So luckily it went down that one and not the pressure, like putting even more pressure on myself.

[00:24:19] And really it was like, I had to let go of like my batting average.

[00:24:25] I was so obsessed with the batting average and like the statistics and what those things like said about me because I did.

[00:24:33] I wanted to like, I wanted to be remembered.

[00:24:36] I wanted to leave a legacy.

[00:24:37] I wanted to leave my impact there and it was actually hindering my ability to just go out there and play and do what I knew how to do.

[00:24:50] So I finally let go the whole batting average statistics stuff and was like, just go out there and hit and play.

[00:24:57] And really keeping it so simple.

[00:25:00] Sootheball hit the ball is not hard.

[00:25:03] It gets easy and that's, that was like a shift in thinking too.

[00:25:07] Instead of being like, oh, like hitting is so hard.

[00:25:11] I feel like everyone's hitting like the hardest thing in softball and baseball, which it is like it's actually proven that it's one of the harder things in sports.

[00:25:20] But if I keep telling myself it's hard, that's what I'm going to think about and what I'm going to believe.

[00:25:26] So instead I was like, no, hitting is easy.

[00:25:29] It's you put the barrel of the bat on the ball.

[00:25:31] That's it.

[00:25:32] Instead of over complicating it and thinking about all the adjustments and things like, of course you're going to make adjustments and stuff.

[00:25:40] But especially in game time, just go hit.

[00:25:44] Just hit.

[00:25:45] Go ahead.

[00:25:46] Do what you've already did.

[00:25:47] Your body knows what to do and allow yourself to do that.

[00:25:51] So I think those are maybe some more finite details that happened in my senior year.

[00:25:58] And then also as I've continued to like coach and mentor, we tend to over complicate things.

[00:26:05] Way too much.

[00:26:07] Way too much.

[00:26:09] Yeah.

[00:26:10] Yeah.

[00:26:11] I've been doing a lot of self-reliant what you focus on expands.

[00:26:14] You focus on the negative things and you typically will expand instead of, and that's what you talked about.

[00:26:19] The mindset issue is, and it's probably what the techniques that you use with these girls is if you focus on the positive things,

[00:26:28] then those things are going to expand and gain more confidence over time rather than focusing on what you're not getting,

[00:26:36] which are hits or what you're not making those free throws.

[00:26:39] If you focus on not making a free throw, then that's all it's going to happen.

[00:26:43] You're going to keep missing free throws.

[00:26:46] Yeah.

[00:26:47] So I want to transition to the parent training thing.

[00:26:51] I'm not sure when you started it seems like you started at fairly new or fairly recent.

[00:26:57] Talk a little bit about that because this is a parent daughter.

[00:27:01] Yeah.

[00:27:02] That freaked me as well as far as, because I don't know if you've listened to any of my earlier podcasts,

[00:27:08] but I was not the best father to Lacey when she was younger.

[00:27:12] I was putting a lot of pressure on her because there was pressure on me to have her look good.

[00:27:16] There's a lot of issues with me putting a lot of pressure on her to perform,

[00:27:22] which put a lot of pressure on herself to perform.

[00:27:25] So touch on your parent training and what that looks like.

[00:27:28] Definitely.

[00:27:29] And I think that was super common.

[00:27:32] My own dad was really hard on me.

[00:27:35] I talk about it a lot and it's not like I'm throwing him under the bus.

[00:27:39] He was just doing the best he could in the way that he knew.

[00:27:42] And sometimes that was like, I being hard on me because he knew I was so he knew was like what I was capable of.

[00:27:49] So maybe how he did it probably wasn't the best for my mentality.

[00:27:55] Right?

[00:27:56] Well, I have to go back and look at that too.

[00:27:58] And I can't like dwell on, oh, there was a lot of butting heads and stuff,

[00:28:04] but he also, if I didn't have him doing that, would I have made it to the college level?

[00:28:11] I don't know.

[00:28:12] Maybe not because it really did push me to my limits.

[00:28:17] Sometimes I'll pause their way and sometimes in a negative way.

[00:28:21] So just giving yourself, giving all the parents a little grace and that as well.

[00:28:27] I know it can be a hard dynamic for sure.

[00:28:30] But anyway, I have a parent training.

[00:28:33] Over the last four or five years that I've been doing this, I've done tons of parent trainings.

[00:28:40] I've done live parent trainings over Zoom.

[00:28:44] So I have gone to meet with a lot of parents.

[00:28:47] I've gotten like tons of feedback.

[00:28:49] And so what I basically did was like, okay, I'm going to put together a reported training

[00:28:55] that kind of put all those pieces together and the most valuable things for those parents.

[00:29:01] And we talk about just like helping their daughter be the most confident version of themselves,

[00:29:08] how to get out of her own way, stop being her worst enemy,

[00:29:12] to be that confident athlete thing.

[00:29:14] No, she's capable of being.

[00:29:16] We talk about how to get past this year a failure because that's a big one.

[00:29:21] And then not worrying what everyone else is thinking of what we were talking about.

[00:29:25] We see earlier the middle school girls, but to be totally honest, all of those things,

[00:29:31] I give tools and things that you guys can do parent to daughter.

[00:29:36] But I believe that having that third party mentor can be really beneficial.

[00:29:43] At the end of the day, I would love to be that voice, that second voice.

[00:29:48] Because I don't know why as humans, we just don't hear the same things from our parents as we do from poor people.

[00:29:57] We have to like have other mentors in our life.

[00:30:00] I wish that we just listened to our parents.

[00:30:02] That would be like way more simple.

[00:30:05] I look back and I'm like, gosh, I wish I would have listened to what you said about that mom or because my mom was like,

[00:30:11] the really positive gentle one.

[00:30:14] I wish I would have just been listening to what you said, how I should be thinking about myself.

[00:30:20] But I didn't of course.

[00:30:22] So sometimes we just have to hear it from other people.

[00:30:26] And at the end of that training, I do share if you really want someone to be in her life like doing that,

[00:30:32] I can be that person.

[00:30:34] I would love to be that person to help your daughter and have that they start working on the mental part of the game more consistently

[00:30:41] and working on mindset more consistently.

[00:30:44] Lacey, we were having that conversation about going to a sports psychologist.

[00:30:49] We probably shouldn't just go when things are tough or we're like in the hole.

[00:30:54] I believe that we should be going consistently and because even when things are good,

[00:31:00] all of a sudden we're like, oh, you don't have to do the hard work anymore.

[00:31:05] And then when we do it, stop doing the hard work, fall asleep, everything's falling apart again.

[00:31:10] And then it would be like going this crazy little cycle.

[00:31:13] But so at the end of that, I do talk about the confident athlete program would be a great way to start working at this more consistently

[00:31:22] and for her to hear this from not just you but from me as well.

[00:31:28] Yeah, and then I have that for the parents.

[00:31:30] And then actually, Lacey, I don't know if you grabbed, I have a guide for a free guide for athletes.

[00:31:37] And this was you were making me think about this because in there I talk about visualization.

[00:31:43] And I talk about it like visualizing, creating visualizations up in your mind and I have a guided visualization,

[00:31:53] like a voice recording of myself guiding.

[00:31:56] But in that guide, I talk about video, the power of video and visualization,

[00:32:03] which I think could be really helpful for really any athletes now because I feel like you guys use so much video to improve.

[00:32:11] And this technology is like so much more advanced even from when I graduated a long ago, but still a lot more.

[00:32:21] There's so much more technology, especially in softball.

[00:32:24] I don't totally know the tech and all the some of the other sports,

[00:32:28] but I feel like we use video a little too much as athletes for, oh, I need to do this or my elbow was in here.

[00:32:39] It's like all the negative things like what we're not doing, which is good.

[00:32:45] That's how you learn.

[00:32:46] That's how you see that we can and use that as a tool to improve.

[00:32:51] But I think we should also be adding like positive video.

[00:32:56] If you don't look at, I should have been watching myself hit home run like over and over again.

[00:33:03] I saw there's a YouTube video me hitting a home run.

[00:33:08] I think it was in like the big 10 tournament or something.

[00:33:12] And it makes me feel so happy and so good.

[00:33:16] And so I think we should be using a lot more of those hype video.

[00:33:21] And that's exactly what's in that free guide for the athletes is to create your own confidence video,

[00:33:29] your own confidence like height real basically and watch that before games rather than thinking, oh,

[00:33:36] I have all these things I still need to work on or that I'm improving on or that swing wasn't there.

[00:33:42] That great there even for pitchers.

[00:33:45] I remember going through so much video pictures and oh, you missed the spot.

[00:33:49] She's just like she got the hit.

[00:33:51] Okay. Yeah, like we could go through that all day long.

[00:33:55] But what about all those good pitches?

[00:33:57] What about that straight out or let's keep watching those?

[00:34:01] I work or I do some work for an organization called Positive Coaching Alliance.

[00:34:08] And one of the things that they teach is for coaches is it's the magic ratio and it's.

[00:34:18] Okay, now I'm going to draw in blank.

[00:34:21] Now it's like pregnancy brain maybe but it's five to one or something five positive comments to one negative comment.

[00:34:30] I think it's the same with video.

[00:34:32] Like let's watch five good videos to one negative video.

[00:34:36] It's like a way to explain it.

[00:34:38] So that's what that free guide for athletes is.

[00:34:41] It's using video as like a visualization tool to positively see and create confidence for yourself going into games.

[00:34:54] Yeah, very cool.

[00:34:55] Yeah, because I think you use that strategy either earlier this year when you had a bad game

[00:35:00] and then you visualize some of the good games that you've had and then you came back and did well.

[00:35:06] So that sounds like a great thing that you use.

[00:35:11] I have used it in the past.

[00:35:13] I don't know if I've done it right because I would watch myself do good, maybe watch some strikeouts,

[00:35:23] highlights from Twitter or something like that.

[00:35:26] And sometimes it would work but other times I feel like when I would go out,

[00:35:33] I would tell myself if I don't look how look like I did in that video then I didn't get any better than work basically.

[00:35:43] Like pretty much adding pressure to myself to be as good as I was in that video.

[00:35:50] So there's pros and cons for me with it.

[00:35:53] I feel like so.

[00:35:55] I do go back and watch film on myself if I did have a good game.

[00:36:00] Even with the good games there's going to be hits, there's going to be some bad pitches, some walks.

[00:36:05] So I feel like yeah just with me it's a little bit pros and cons.

[00:36:10] I haven't done it in a while.

[00:36:12] Just trying to be more of a free spirit I'd say when I'm playing but also a competitor which is trying to find the balance is harsh and hard.

[00:36:25] That's where I am.

[00:36:27] I feel like with just what you're sharing, maybe it's watching those highlights of yourself before.

[00:36:36] And then because I totally sometimes you're like but if I don't look like that I'm not going to get the hit.

[00:36:42] So I think we have to match our thoughts also with the video or the visualization.

[00:36:49] So seeing it and then writing down my swing where it is right now is more than enough.

[00:36:56] Or I can hit even if my swing isn't perfect.

[00:37:04] How many times have you gotten a hit and you're like I don't even know how that happened but I'm glad it did.

[00:37:10] Or like a girl and she's like the ugliest swing ever and you're like how did she even hit that ball?

[00:37:16] It doesn't have to be perfect.

[00:37:18] We're like that's definitely improved if we see it all the time.

[00:37:22] So it's like reminding yourself you don't have to be perfect to get great hits in the game too.

[00:37:28] And then that will fully relieve some pressure too.

[00:37:31] It's aligning your thoughts with the video as well rather than so you notice oh I'm putting more pressure on myself by telling myself about the video.

[00:37:42] That's when you can be like oh I need to shift away from thinking about the video.

[00:37:47] Does that make sense?

[00:37:48] Yeah.

[00:37:49] So just some thoughts.

[00:37:52] Yeah very cool.

[00:37:54] So if again I love it because you do both parent, the parent side and the athlete side.

[00:38:00] We're because we have both right that listen to the podcast with both parents and athletes both listen to it.

[00:38:07] So where could they find you if they wanted to maybe reach out to you?

[00:38:12] I don't know if you are accepting new clients or if you're but how could they reach you to maybe work with you?

[00:38:19] Yeah definitely.

[00:38:20] You can always go to my website peachtones.com.

[00:38:23] That's where I have like all those resources as well so you can get your hands on those.

[00:38:27] But there's literally at the top a work with me button and when you go there you can learn a bunch of stuff about my program.

[00:38:36] But you can actually access it right there and then.

[00:38:40] But there's also always an option to schedule a call because I always love to be able to chat because there's always going to be questions and things like that.

[00:38:51] So you can always schedule a call with me, set up some time that we can chat and learn a little bit more and then we can always make that decision from there.

[00:39:01] Very cool.

[00:39:03] Any parting thoughts, questions we're going to get out of here.

[00:39:08] Do you have anything that you want to add?

[00:39:11] Do you want to have questions for us?

[00:39:14] Oh man, I think that one of the things that stuck with me for such a long time is actually a coach post college really business and mindset and stuff that said to me that's just like really stuff with me and I felt was really powerful is that

[00:39:32] you're ever feeling.

[00:39:34] Freed or worried or not enough she just reminded me I could always bet on myself.

[00:39:41] And actually you're right I'm not going to let myself down even if I run into mistakes or failures and things like that I'm not just going to give up and give in I've never done that in my whole life before just remembering that you know it's that on yourself.

[00:39:56] I think that was always helpful advice for me.

[00:39:59] Very cool.

[00:40:01] Place you're good.

[00:40:03] Yeah, I've talked to my dad about this too.

[00:40:05] I think my sophomore year.

[00:40:08] I've said before I feel like I'm letting you guys down and I all above all I feel like I'm letting myself down.

[00:40:14] Like the little girl in a U that just loves softball so much but I feel like I let go of that a little bit more this year.

[00:40:22] And it's definitely important to kind of move on in the sense because I'm not going to be playing softball forever.

[00:40:30] It's almost over.

[00:40:31] I can't change anything in the past so just moving forward right now and being more present.

[00:40:37] I feel like has been the most important thing for me like recently so it makes sense to or what you said about betting on yourself is make sense to me.

[00:40:48] Yeah, definitely.

[00:40:50] Well, we've been finding through other past athletes that their senior year they there's a couple of different ways they can go.

[00:41:00] They can they're crying because the season is going to end and their softball careers are going to end so they're very emotional about that right because either they had a really positive experience.

[00:41:10] They don't want it to end or you have the other one where they're like, thank God this is over.

[00:41:17] Get me out of here either as they had a poor experience or maybe this didn't play well.

[00:41:22] Talk a little bit about that kind of mindset and how would somebody like Lacey who's going to be entering her senior not get caught up in the negative thoughts as far as thank God this is over rather than looking back and enjoying the process or enjoying her time there.

[00:41:39] Yeah, I think it's just because like looking back and being like you snipe countless hours into putting into this game and just I think like just thinking about how what the games done for you and given to you even in play like being an athlete and competing and all that even if

[00:41:59] you've had a negative college experience or something like that like there's still going to be things that have made you who you are and like.

[00:42:08] Helped you become a better person or like more resilient or whatever it is like even if you're not playing at all like that still shows that you stuck through it like you worked for.

[00:42:22] I think that makes sense but it's like looking at the positive things and the things that you can be grateful for and how those things are going to help you in your future.

[00:42:31] And those experiences are going to use those as stories and is the word I'm looking for like leverage in whatever your next step might be in your life in your career and what you want to do or even being a mob.

[00:42:49] The things that I went through in college and my man actually this is a good example I've had multiple people tell me and people that know me pretty well at this point you're like you're really mentally strong like more mentally strong than me or maybe it's like sister or something when it comes to motherhood.

[00:43:14] Because.

[00:43:16] Put me through like it has been a mental challenge like an adjustment okay and when they said like they've said that we're just like you're just really mentally strong like you're able to overcome a lot of those things much easier than so and so or me or whatever and that's like a huge like compliment I feel like and.

[00:43:35] I don't think that it would be able to be or that that people would see that for me or know that about me if it wasn't for the tough experiences that I had as an athlete.

[00:43:49] So I think it's hard to see when you're in like that senior year of oh how's this going to help me as a mall.

[00:43:56] I definitely was not thinking about that because I knew I wanted to wait to have children so a little bit later but it's just like crazy to see how it's like what it's given me and how it's made me stronger better more resilient all these different things in my life after even my relationships and all sorts of things.

[00:44:20] Yeah very cool and probably going to help whether you go into the workforce and W2 is probably going to help right.

[00:44:27] I'm sure it's helped you in your entrepreneurial adventures as well right just when things aren't going so well.

[00:44:35] I've been there I've been there done that very cool I really appreciate you coming on yeah really enjoyed you and your insights for his mindset we haven't really dived into a lot of mindset stuff.

[00:44:46] Lace we just been going through your growing up into the softball arena.

[00:44:52] This was good I think this is the perfect time you lace as far as yeah currently going on in your season and how you're performing so this is a good I think this is a perfect episode for her to kind of end her junior year.

[00:45:06] Absolutely I'm super excited for you I think that you can definitely turn this senior year into something really great and if you ever need anything please read it.

[00:45:16] I would love to reach out you gotta have my email that's don't hesitate to reach out or even on Instagram like in messages there like I would love to help and support anyway again.

[00:45:28] So other social media so we got the website and just so Instagram I know you mentioned on.

[00:45:33] I'm still going against social media for a while I don't know if you're back on it.

[00:45:39] Yeah I used to be like oh my gosh I've got to post four or five times a week every single week motherhood again change that and shifted that but that was another thing like oh like letting go control it's okay like people are still finding me it's fine but yeah I'm like still active on Instagram and Facebook and things like that I just three years ago is on like every single day.

[00:46:06] Yeah.

[00:46:07] All right very cool again it's nice to be here thank you for coming on and we'll catch everybody on the other side late I love you.

[00:46:15] Thank you Paige.

[00:46:19] You're welcome.