17 | How Humble, Hungry, and Smart Players Transform Teams

[00:00:00] Hey Rusty Ham here, co-host of Catching You. We are trying to grow the show and we would

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[00:00:26] catch you on the other side. Take care, thank you.

[00:00:29] And again, I'm not perfect. I was yelling at a virus too. Again, this is something

[00:00:34] I'm reflecting on. That was not... If I were to look at myself, the 10 years ago, Rusty,

[00:00:41] I probably didn't have these virtues but I've experienced enough to have to... I could

[00:00:48] say this. I could say stuff like this because I've experienced it. I've seen it. I've

[00:00:54] coached it. I've coached parents that are not humble. Hello and welcome to Catching You,

[00:01:00] a Dad and Daughters softball journey. I'm Rusty, a Dad who's been in the dug up and on the

[00:01:05] side of me. And I'm Lacey. The daughter who's journey through softball has been filled with

[00:01:09] incredible winds, tough losses and so many lessons both on and off the field. For the past

[00:01:15] 16 years we've navigated the highest and lowest of softball together from the local fields

[00:01:19] to national tournaments and everything in between. From the challenges of recruitment during

[00:01:24] COVID to the mental and emotional rollercoaster that comes with being a student athlete, we'll

[00:01:28] be sharing the perspectives of both a parent and athlete and first-hand experience of the

[00:01:33] impact of sports on mental health and the importance of support from the sidelines. Welcome

[00:01:39] back everyone. I am your co-host of Catching You, my other co-host, my daughter, Lacey

[00:01:47] and I gave her the week off. She has been grinding in softball and we've been doing this

[00:01:54] since November of 23 and she hasn't had a date off because she goes typically, she goes

[00:02:01] Tuesday to Sunday as far as softball, social practice during the week and then she'll have

[00:02:06] games Friday Saturday and Sunday and then we do our podcast on Monday so it's seven days

[00:02:13] a week for her non-stop softball. She just called me and says, can I have the day off of

[00:02:21] the foies? So I said of course it's the season of the grind as most of you guys know so give

[00:02:27] to the good guys so I'm flying solo today and what I wanted to do is just I wanted to talk about

[00:02:35] just I just got down reader book the books called The Ideal Team Player and being a coach,

[00:02:42] being having a daughter that's on a team. My wife is super competitive, my son is on the golf

[00:02:49] team and so we're all our families, sports related, we're team oriented and so what the crux of

[00:02:58] the book is called the again, the book is called The Ideal Player, how to recognize and cultivate

[00:03:04] the three central virtues since I loved it and I've been reading a lot lately because my wife and I

[00:03:11] were doing 75 hard and part of 75 hard because I know because you have to read 10 pages a day,

[00:03:17] you have to read actually a book, you can't listen to it so we have to it and it has to be

[00:03:23] what has to be self-help or a book like that so this book the three essential virtues

[00:03:31] are being hungry, being humble and being smart right so those are so humble hungry and smart

[00:03:42] and what I liked about that is you know Lacey says well why don't you talk about

[00:03:48] talking about that to other fathers bucket dead and how does that relate to bucket dead?

[00:03:57] I can get into a lot of weeds on this one but basically I love that concept because

[00:04:05] I wish if somebody goes on there I was a high school basketball coach for 30 years,

[00:04:11] I was a head coach for four until Lacey started getting into travel ball and my son started

[00:04:17] getting into flight football and it just was overwhelming, I wasn't prepared mentally,

[00:04:22] I wasn't prepared for it. I knew I wanted to be a head coach someday but I was mentally not prepared

[00:04:26] for it so you guys have heard the old adage, I wish I would have I wish I'd known then what I know

[00:04:32] now right? I wish I ever known about humble, hungry and smart why I knew each concept individually

[00:04:40] but not together right like a venn diagram if you guys can visualize a venn diagram and you know

[00:04:46] if somebody has those traits in each of those virtues and then the other one,

[00:04:56] you know the part in the middle of the venn diagram that's the person you want on your team

[00:05:01] all right because they're going to be a good teammate so I wish I would have known that as a head coach

[00:05:06] because I probably still be coaching because I didn't have a plan as far as being a head coach

[00:05:12] and you know I was good at exercising though like an ex-an-o any other coach on the face of years,

[00:05:18] I could drop a play and make it work I could create a defensive scheme and have a work against

[00:05:23] I was pretty successful as far as wins and losses however I wasn't successful as far as player

[00:05:29] development or having everybody on the same page and so if I would have built my teams around

[00:05:42] them being humble and again humble so I guess let me just define what the book defines as humble

[00:05:48] is a contribution of others slow to seek attention and they share credit and they have a size team

[00:05:58] over herself right so that's I guess you can if you look at it it's all duh but I didn't have a

[00:06:06] whole lot of I had some humble players but a lot of them thought they were the bees knees they

[00:06:11] thought they were better than they thought they were and it was a lot of it was about themselves

[00:06:18] and they played that way now again I was successful because I had some pretty good players that

[00:06:25] ended up going to college but we could have been we could have done better in my opinion and

[00:06:30] that the second one is probably the reason why we probably didn't do as well as we should have

[00:06:36] and that's being hungry and hungry the book defines it as hungry the book talks about being hungry and

[00:06:44] I wish I had hungry players right these guys were not as hungry as I hope there would be and maybe

[00:06:50] I should have built my teams around but hungry defined in the book is almost never have to be pushed

[00:06:57] to work harder that was that was like pulling teeth as you get them to work harder self-motivated

[00:07:04] and diligent right don't have to be pushed to work harder self-motivated and diligent and

[00:07:13] that's super important because if you don't have somebody who's hungry on your team either as a

[00:07:19] player or even in the business if you don't have somebody I'm a business owner and when I start

[00:07:25] scaling and I start hiring people so I'm gonna use these three virtues to hire people

[00:07:30] I want somebody who's hungry that wants to be there who's self-motivated is diligent in what they do

[00:07:37] and they're self-motivated right I didn't have those hungry players that I wish I had a couple hungry

[00:07:43] players they were they'd show up early like most of the guys with this scrolling put the

[00:07:49] shoes on and then start practicing they wouldn't come early and maybe put some free throws in or

[00:07:54] shoot some jumpstop before practice they would just roll in and put the shoes on and go and then smart

[00:07:59] and smart doesn't necessarily have to be in a electrical it into electrical I can't

[00:08:06] I still can't say what smart and what the book talks about tomorrow being having good judgment and

[00:08:12] intuition aware of the impact of their words this is super important I'm gonna get into that about

[00:08:20] parents because I'm gonna use these three virtues about bucket dads or just parents in general

[00:08:26] and it's gonna relate to softball but so yeah just the awareness of the impact of their words

[00:08:32] in actions words in actions right and then a person's common sense about other people

[00:08:39] so how does this relate to parents in a softball right so I'm talking to those the bucket dads

[00:08:46] and not everybody was a bucket dad right not everybody's dad had a picture as their daughter but

[00:08:54] use these three virtues and again if you have daughters that are when wreck ball right now or

[00:09:01] in travel ball hopefully you get a nugget out of this for two if you are in my situation where

[00:09:06] your kids are already in college or maybe they're done already then maybe you can pass this on to

[00:09:12] them or somebody else but as far as a parent be humble there's nothing wrong with being humble

[00:09:18] as a parent there's thousands of kids that play softball your kid is not the only one

[00:09:25] and stats are important I have a few stories when I was coaching high school softball

[00:09:31] when lacy was on the team one of the parents and you'll get chuckle some of you will get

[00:09:37] chuckles out of this you know that she was in charge of game changer right and her daughter

[00:09:41] was the main pitcher you can see how see where this is going they were not humble at all it was

[00:09:48] um if if it was a clean hit maybe it nicked off the third baseman's glove in the five six hole

[00:09:58] she would call it an heir for her daughter right wasn't it hit it was an heir and then if that

[00:10:03] girl scored and then obviously it wasn't in her run so it kept her run averaged very low she ended

[00:10:08] up being a very good pitcher in college she played for Minnesota and now she's she's a professional but

[00:10:15] but for the parents stats was super important it was important that her daughter

[00:10:21] or their daughter have the lowest the RA in the team and she played every pet and she pitched every

[00:10:27] pitch and she played every game on the father he used to be out and he'd be in the left field

[00:10:35] fence and he would if someone dropped a ball he would yell at the outfielder's because they

[00:10:41] dropped her daughter's fly ball that she her daughter gave up fly ball and it was supposed to be easy

[00:10:46] and they dropped it so he would be these outfathers sometimes they came in and they're like hey this

[00:10:52] dad is like going and and cussing at us it's okay well what are you doing and I'm sure now he's

[00:10:59] whatever she's out of college she's playing professional did you really need to yell at these

[00:11:04] outfielder's because they dropped a simple fly ball so be humble as a parent this sitting

[00:11:10] in the stands you don't need to be yelling at outfathers they're trying their best just watch the game

[00:11:16] and keep your mouth shut and again I'm not perfect I was yelling at outfathers too so again this is

[00:11:22] something I'm reflecting on it was not if I were to look at myself the 10 years ago rusty I probably

[00:11:30] didn't have these virtues but I've experienced enough to have to I could say this I can say stuff

[00:11:39] like this because I've experienced it I've seen it I've coached it I've coached parents that are not

[00:11:45] humble they're not hungry and what I would what do I mean by parents not hungry hungry again it's

[00:11:54] you don't have to be pushed to work harder as a parent parent again it's all about their kid right so

[00:12:02] I used to say you want to watch the parents when I coach basketball you want to watch those parents

[00:12:08] when parents are watching the game in the stands are they watching the game or they're watching

[00:12:13] their kid the whole time so that's how you can tell if they were humble hungry right they're not

[00:12:20] they're self-motivated they're diligent they're helping out the program without and then this is

[00:12:27] where I guess the hunger comes in as far as as a parent if you have a kid in the program are you

[00:12:32] helping out that program even though your kid is not playing it is last on the bench probably not

[00:12:40] going to get in are you still helping out the program or are you but hurt are you like I'm not

[00:12:47] going to help out they're not going to play my kid I'm not going to help out that you're not hungry

[00:12:53] you're not hungry as a parent to give your child the best experience right because you're probably

[00:12:59] going home complaining right or you should be playing I'm not gonna I'm not gonna help out with

[00:13:04] fundraising and I'm not gonna help out with the field but if my if you're not gonna play my kid

[00:13:10] right so you're not hungry enough as a parent to help your child out experience have those good

[00:13:17] experience again I'm not talking about the players that are power five players that they're

[00:13:22] gonna be they're gonna go power five no matter what if their parents or jerks or not they're

[00:13:28] gonna go put they're gonna go power five or learn just because of who they are I'm talking about

[00:13:33] those players that are maybe just on the fence that they love softball and they love the sports

[00:13:38] that they're in but they fall out of love of it because because of the parents because of the

[00:13:45] their mom or dad they're just they're not humble and they're not hungry and the last one is a

[00:13:50] screen smart having good judgment and intuition some people don't have filters some people some

[00:13:59] parents don't have filters and they don't use good judgment as far as talking to the coach

[00:14:06] or talking to the AD right they go straight to the AD so have it again I when I was a coach who was

[00:14:13] the player talks to the coach and hey what do I need to do to get more playing time and then if

[00:14:18] that wasn't good enough then maybe we have a conference with the player and the parent and we

[00:14:24] work through some things but for that doesn't work then we meet up with the athletic directory so there

[00:14:31] was there was but a lot of the parents would like to skip those steps because they didn't have good

[00:14:36] judgment they didn't have good intuition as far as trusting the coach some coaches aren't very

[00:14:43] good but you've got to go through the process process my my wife hates the word process but

[00:14:48] you gotta go through the steps right you gotta have the player grow up you gotta have them

[00:14:56] go to the coach and say hey I'm not getting much playing time what do I need to do that's

[00:15:02] the classic what do I need to do to get on the field or what do I need to do to get on the court

[00:15:07] but a lot of parents don't do that they feel like their kid is the best player in the world

[00:15:12] and that your kids should be playing and so I'm going to go directly to the AD and I'm

[00:15:16] going to complain and being aware and then this is where kind of being aware of the impact of

[00:15:20] your words and your actions your kids are watching my my daughter pulled me aside on the kitchen table

[00:15:28] was balled her head off because of my words of my actions right I never played softball before I

[00:15:33] never pitched however I'm catching her and she's throwing balls she's throwing balls over over

[00:15:40] my head I have to unlock the gate I have to go walk and go get it for me boohoo and so my body

[00:15:47] length was horrible and then I'm passive aggressive in nature in the past and I would just I

[00:15:54] went and talked to her I would ignore and she'd be and she's 12 right she's like why is my dad acting

[00:16:00] this way I just all I did is I threw a couple balls in his offense right so again 10 years ago me

[00:16:07] is much different I wish I would have known then what I don't know and I would have treated her

[00:16:13] much better obviously I don't want my daughter coming to the kitchen table balling her head off because

[00:16:19] of my actions and then just having a sense of every surrounding I see parents all the time in their

[00:16:27] in your chairs against the fence and and you're screaming at y'all at your kid and your kid goes

[00:16:31] on for and you know those car rides homes are not pleasant with some kids and not every kid has

[00:16:40] a stable environment at home so some kids have divorces where they're being pulled one way or

[00:16:46] the other and so maybe one car ride home is different from the other car ride home after a game

[00:16:51] and it's just like I guess my overall fame is just be humble be hungry for your kid in a positive way

[00:17:00] and just be smart like just know your surroundings know your actions and your words are being watched

[00:17:07] by everybody not only from your kid but from everybody especially during recruiting like when

[00:17:12] they're 14 15 16 and they're at showcases you are being watched not only does your daughter

[00:17:20] being watched for you or being watched they're looking at okay do I is this player coming from a

[00:17:26] solid family they're they're looking at that there's trust me there's colleges out there that are

[00:17:31] looking at you mom or dad who's screaming and yelling and acting like a fool in the stands

[00:17:37] they're gonna be like okay do I want this for four years in my program and a lot of times it's no

[00:17:42] they'll just go to the next one that's the player that's on the cusp maybe not as talented

[00:17:49] but the parents are humble hungry and they're smart they just get it right so that's my two cents

[00:17:55] there's my soul cast and I will catch everybody on the side I hope I'm sure Lacey will be back next week

[00:18:02] and well I think we're gonna start getting into first year 16s and her once she was a sophomore in

[00:18:09] high school there's a lot of drama with that and her sophomore year in college or sophomore year in

[00:18:15] high school and yeah a lot of what happened in high school and let me just end with high school

[00:18:24] for some if you're in high-end trouble team about busters athletic macadras cloning angels

[00:18:31] the choppers the soak l aides the firecrackers these are all soak l teams but a lot of those

[00:18:38] a lot of those girls that came from this program they're just like Marty Tyson taught me this and Mike

[00:18:43] stood taught me this and and so I don't need to listen to my high school coach and that happened

[00:18:49] a lot trust me it happens all the time you have these high-end players that come from these high-end

[00:18:54] trouble and then they play high school and they feel like high school is just I always said when

[00:18:58] they helped out as an assistant I always I said would you act and play like this if you were

[00:19:05] at a marcollo practice and they would say no and I said the why are you doing a year?

[00:19:09] which is high school again the humble hungry and smart I can tell the girls that were on the

[00:19:16] way she's high school team they were they did not fit those three virtues trust me and guess what some

[00:19:24] of those girls are not playing in college they were recruited to go to college and now they're

[00:19:29] not playing in college and then there's a reason why because they were not humble they were not hungry

[00:19:34] and they were not smart and on that note catch your eyes on the other side take care

[00:19:41] lacy if you're listening I love you